3 Easy Steps To Be Funny
Being funny is so easy. Almost anyone can do, provided they know the correct procedures. I say almost everyone because, honestly, there are a couple people who just can’t do it. For instance, Nikolai Gogol didn’t have a funny-bone in his body. Also James K. Polk, 11th President of the United States, was never funny. Some other notable bores: St. Augustine, Ramesses II and Quasimodo, all of them were completely giggle-free. The tricky part is there is no set of definitive guidelines on who can and cannot be hilarious. Look no further than Genghis Khan who, by many accounts, was a laugh-riot and excellent billiards player.
Luckily, being funny-less is a very, very rare medical fluke; most individuals can quickly learn how to be jocose in social situations.
The Master.
Step One: Use Outrageous Language
Sounding outrageous makes you seem more outrageous and seeming outrageous is a great way to seem funny. Take a look at this typical, snooze-fest business conversation:
“Hello Mark, how are those stock reports treating you?”
“Well Doug, they are moving along well.”
“Excellent. I am impressed by your workmanship.”
“Thank you. I am filled with positive emotions, friend.”
For those of you still awake, I’ll show you how outrageous language could have spiced up this Monday morning interchange:
“Howdy-ho Mark-a-saurus! How those storrrk (mimic bird call) reports trick-o-treatin’ ya?”
“(In robot voice) Good-afternoon Doug-o-nator. (Stop robot voice) The r-ports? Well they are moving faster than a cheetah riding shotgun with Dale Earnhart Jr, my main man!”
“(Do secret handshake) That’s what I’m talkin’ about M to the A to the R to the K!”
“Wasssssssup. (Stick out tongue and sustain last syllable as long as possible)”
See how funny Mark and Doug have become? They’re no longer stiff white-collared corporate drones, they’re hysterical fun-o-holics.
Step Two: Be Unexpected
Being funny is a lot like being an undercover agent in the world of unfunny. Look around you. Anything funny going on? Unless you’re stranded on an island with a young man by the name of Gilligan, the likely answer is a big NO. That’s because, for the most part, nature isn’t very funny. Again there are some exceptions. For example, pomegranates are undeniably whimsical and I’ve always found baby moose to be somewhat humorous. To bring the funny, you need to have an element of surprise. Let’s drop in on Mark and Doug again:
“Mark, I am now venturing to my homestead. It is the fortieth anniversary of my significant other’s expulsion from the womb.”
“Salutations, I wish you and yours an enjoyable evening together.”
Boy, those two are real duds. Let’s see if we can make them a little more funny by being unforeseen:
“Mark, I’m going home.”
“Okey-dokey, see you tomorrow.”
“Bye.”
“Wait, before you go, smell this flower on my lapel.”
“Well, OK…”
(Water squirts from the flower into Doug’s unsuspecting schnoz. Laughs ensue.)
Step Three: Use Wordplay and Puns
Wordplay and pun usage shows that you are not only funny, you are also a genius. Adding fun tongue-twisters, anagrams and witticisms to your conversation makes seem intellectual ,well-read and pretentious. It can also transform you into a comedian extraordinaire. Let’s see how Mark and Doug are doing one more time.
“Hey Mark, how was your weekend.”
“It went pretty well. Thanks for asking Dousing Orchards.”
“What does that mean?”
“Dousing Orchards? Get it? It’s an anagram for your name: Doug Richardson.”
“What’s an anagram. I don’t get it. Um, I’ll see you later Mark.”
“What to get lunch later, Androids Grouch? Rancid Dog Hours? Doug?”
All right, maybe I was wrong. As it turns out using wordplay isn’t very funny, stick with the first two tips.
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12/26/2008
LOL.