A Timely Holiday Special.
A Very Smartass Martin Luther King Day to all of those reading/realizing there is no soft-core porn on this site. Yup. Another year, another celebration of one of the top ranked Martins in history, sharing the ranks only with the likes of Martin Short and Ricky Martin. While we are all familiar with Dr. King’s most famous dream (the boring one about the tops of mountains and sitting at tables), Grandpa Chachi is going to tell you about another dream. This one Martin revealed to me after a couple brews when we went bowling together in 1961. Oh. One more thing. Martin Luther King: Great speaker, awful bowler. Now get comfy and bend an ear!
Shockingly, I couldn’t find a picture of Adam Sandler with Martin Luther King – DJ
Martin Luther King and Adam Sandler sit in a Jacuzzi located in the basement of the Mirage Hotel in Las Vegas.
Adam: Hey Martin. I dare you to moon Wayne Newton tonight.
Martin: Now Adam, no man, regardless of their race will view the spectacle of my holy asscheeks on this historic night! I would bet that not even the depths of all seven great oceans could tempt the appearance of a white moon this evening!
Adam: Well hoogedy boogedy Martin. Sounds like little Luther wants to play truth or dare.
Martin: I have seen Wayne Newton before! I may not be there with you when you see him, but I accept this regal challenge!
Adam: Alright numb-nuts, truth or dare?
Martin: The truth is a mighty stream I aim to forge!
Adam: Have you ever sat through the entirety Spanglish when it was on TBS?
Martin: I declare that Spanglish is a cinematic travesty of epic proportions. Each time it appears on TBS, Americans unite to turn off their televisions. Televisions are turned off in the snow-capped Rockies of Colorado. Televisions are turned off in the curvaceous slopes of California. Televisions are turned off in every hill and molehill of Mississippi. Televisions are turned off!
Adam: Listen you ass-licking dentist-fucking….
Martin: HOWEVER I HAVE SEEN SPANGLISH! One winter, I had a severe case of strep throat. I was indulging in Growing Pains re-runs and a steamy cup of Earl Grry when…
Adam: Alright Captain cocksucker I get the point. Jesus. Do you have to exclaim everything?
Martin: Alright Adam, truth or dare?
Adam: Truth, asshole.
Martin: Alright Adam, can you read?
Adam: Whoah! Little Martin wants to ask some big questions! Fine. Of course I can read. Like stop signs? Or cereal boxes? I’m one lean mean readin’ machine.
Martin: Really Adam! What is the first rule posted on the pool rule sheet over there?
Adam: Hoo-Ha! A challenge from the Dr. Well here goes nothin’.
(Adam Sandler proceeds to sound out rule #1 on the Ramada Inn pool rule poster)
Adam: Na-hoo, na-how, na-hoo da-vin-gee. New Da Vinci!
Martin: My friend, you are an island of illiteracy in a sea of intelligence. The sign prohibits men and women of all colors and creeds from diving into the waters of freedom!
Adam: Whatever Dr. Dickhole, congratulations. Truth or Dare.
Martin: Dare!
Adam: Alright my luscious Luther, what if I told you I am wearing a G string bathing suit under my trunks. Hold on a sec, I’m gonna, oop, uh, ahhh…..here it is. I dare you try out my G-string. Not only that. You have to go up to the check-in desk and ask for a swift slap on those beautiful black buttocks.
Martin: Your proposition is both outrageous and offensive in the eyes of this great nation!
Adam: What’s the matter, is the King too good for the string?
Martin: I demand that you cease this…
Adam: Poor Stringy Kingy, he doesn’t wanna play anymore! Boo Hoo Magoo!
Martin: No! Stop! I won’t.
Adam: Zippety Mippety! Is the King going to leave the building! Shloopty Doopty!
Martin: AHHHHHH!
(Martin Luther King wakes up to find he had fallen asleep while watching the movie Spanglish on TBS with a steamy cup of Earl Gray on his nightstand.)
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