I thought Kim Kardashian was just a gorgeous, mindless, single slut- but I was totally wrong: she is not single. Apparently, she has been dating Reggie Bush, who was also, apparently, carved from ivory ebony. For the past few years I thought Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie were the best looking couple possible. WRONG. Take a look at these two people who are of solely physical worth:
Apparently, I have been very much out of the loop by not hearing about this whole Kim Kardashian and Reggie Bush relationship. Possibly, even several months behind. Well that doesn’t matter to me. Last week pictures from this photo shoot were plastered across the internet and I had a boner that literally broke my desk in two. What fantastic looking people.
Here’s my question: Isn’t there more to this relationship than just perfect looks? Isn’t there some deeper substance or skills that so draws me to these pictures, like a moth to a flame?
No, apparently not. The previous number 1’s in my attractive couple book had been the obligatory Angelina and Brad…as mentioned earlier. Before that I, of course, I had chosen Al and Tipper Gore. However, Al’s appearance took the 2000 election like a redwood takes a bulldozer: not very well. He soon fell out of my favor. Before the Gores I believe my “most attractive couple” award went to Jasmine and Aladdin. (Side-note: If Michelle could get her act together, the Obamas could stand a chance.)
Let’s get back to Angelina and Brad. What was nice about them was that when someone asked me what they did I could answer with relative confidence: professional actors?
Which, more of less, is true, but with my new most attractive couple (Rim Bardashian) I’m not so sure. As far as I can tell these two don’t do much. Except have incessant sex ( I ASSume).
I’m going to stop myself here and alleviate some of your fears. You must be thinking: what happened to Roy’s sense of humor? I mean, when I started reading this shit, I new I was not going to laugh….but really? Really? Is this what he is writing? How could this idiot conceive that I would ever want to read this superficial trash. This literally feels like I’m dragging my eyes over sand paper. These do not feel like words, they feel like abrasive paper. I can’t read anymore of this shit, because I think I may actually start to bleed. Out of my eyes.
That’s what you must be thinking. So, I’m going to stop writing this directionless post and start doing what I always want to do whenever I start gossip related posts: insult Chris Brown.
I’ve had so much pent up anger about him for the longest time (a week and a half? Maybe?). However, DJ has recently (and rightfully) put the kibosh on what he calls “referring to that pussy.” In the SmartassRadio writer’s room we all took a vote on whether Chris Brown articles were still relevant. Well, not all of us. Frank obvious couldn’t make it. Patty had work too (work being a lesbian). Chachi was asleep, face-first in some kind of taco-pizza dish that he had reheated. And Pete Marsh III American Hero was off battling the terrorists, as per usual. So, that left DJ and I in the meeting.
I voted and said, “Yes, I still want to attack Chris Brown on our cite.”
“You mean ‘site’”, DJ interjected.
“Oh right. What did I say?”
“You said cite. With a ‘c’”
“My bad, I meant site. I want to continue insulting Chris Brown on our site.”
“Well, I don’t.”, DJ answered.
“So, that makes it 50/50?”
“No, I win. This democracy is a farce.”
Chachi woke up from his reheated taco pizza and added his two cents:
“It’s true Roy. DJ makes the decisions.”
“Oh.”
So, we made an agreement. I can’t write a whole blog about Chris Brown. There is just no way around it. However, DJ said I could write half a blog, abandon it, mention my dislike for Chris Brown and then write “Chris Brown is a bitch” twenty-five times and post it on the internet.
Compromise:
Chris Brown is a bitch.
Chris Brown is a bitch.
Chris Brown is a bitch.
Chris Brown is a bitch.
Chris Brown is a bitch.
Chris Brown is a bitch.
Chris Brown is a bitch.
Chris Brown is a bitch.
Chris Brown is a bitch.
Chris Brown is a bitch.
Chris Brown is a bitch.
Chris Brown is a bitch.
Chris Brown is a bitch.
Chris Brown is a bitch.
Chris Brown is a bitch.
Chris Brown is a bitch.
Chris Brown is a bitch.
Chris Brown is a bitch.
Chris Brown is a bitch.
Chris Brown is a bitch.
Chris Brown is a bitch.
Chris Brown is a bitch.
Chris Brown is a bitch.
Chris Brown is a bitch.
Chris Brown is a bitch.
Rihanna, my love will never die.
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i’d have to say tony romo and jessica simpson are the best looking celebrity couple!!!! and chris brown is a total bitch