Our friends across the pond, Mother England, have recently sunk into national tormoil after one of Britain’s top intelligence secret agents, James Bond, registered for an account on the popular web page Twitter. Bond, who is also known as Agent 007, claims he joined the site just to, “network and stay up to date on what Ryan Seacrest was doing.” However, Bond’s own updates have begun to undercut the secrecy of some highly classified British operations around the globe and Parliament is not happy.
One of Bond’s several compromising “tweets.”
Story continues after the jump…
Twitter site statistics show that Bond joined Twitter in early April; it is speculated that his first log-in occurred between the 3rd and 5th of the month. Like many celebrity figures his initial “tweets” were naively playful:
Q turned me on to this….Just hanging around now. Is this how it works? Am I doing this right?
Within hours of his first post Bond (who is notoriously resourceful and, at times, rebellious) had developed a better understand of the site’s capabilities. Throughout this first day of use Bond updated his page several times:
Wore the wrong pair of shoes today. Almost accidentally stabbed pet cat with toe-knife. My bad…LOL.
Reading on the beach in speedo. @Tom Clancy, it’s like you’re writing TO ME. <3.
Bond also spent much of his time finding and following other famous twitter users. Within the first 48 hours of his registration he had befriended: the Mayor of Toronto, Daniel Craig, Coldplay, John Cleese, Russell Brand, Tina Fey and Ben & Jerry’s. As a joke, Bond also decided to start following Boba Fett, Jimmy Fallon and the Moonraker Laser.
At first, MI6 thought nothing of Bond’s new found love for Twitter. The agency assumed that Bond would keep his updates playful and pedestrian. However, questions of security began to arise when Bond figured out how to use the Twitpic feature of the website, which allows users to post individual pictures:
The link above directed users to this snapshot.
Evidently, high profile terrorists are also familiar with the social networking trends of the day. Bond’s covert mission was discovered and his location compromised. The mission failed and the security risks of an already difficult hostage situation were exacerbated even further.
The British government called for the deletion of Bond’s Twitter page. However, Bond, being the rogue agent that he is, refused to stop tweeting. He soon acquired a false passport and traveled to a Mediterranean villa where, sources say, he had very romantic sex with a local archeologist.
Bond is now wanted by the British government for treason, reckless endangerment and procrastination. The English Parliament has asked that, 1) No citizen consider “following” James Bond, particularly if you are an evil-doer, 2) Do not instigate Bond’s twittering via @ replies or messages, 3) If you are an attractive women, do not let Bond seduce you. Please report him to the proper authorities.
Bond remains MIA and it looks as though he has taken things into his own hands. A recent tweet hints that Bond is now going after bad guys on his own terms.
We can only recommend that you follow the guidelines set forth by the British government and, hopefully, Agent Bond will be reeled in sometime soon.
[ad]
