Bucket List: Samuel “Screech” Powers
So get this! I was running from a crazy woman who was wearing suspenders and violently waving a toothbrush in my direction. Ducking into an alley, I hid behind a dumpster full of used needles. While crouching on my hands and knees in terror, I noticed a crumpled piece of paper lying next to a corpse about three feet away. To my astonishment, I discovered it was the bucket list of no other than Samuel “Screech” Powers, beloved sitcom buffoon.
He is doing NOTHING to reach any of these goals. – DJ
- Bang Lisa Turtle.
- Bang Lisa Turtle without the help of Rufinol.
- Earn a nickname not associated with unpopular car noises.
- Witness a civil war within my ant farm (let’s go rebs!).
- Defeat Mr. Belding at chess.
- Make an awesome porno.
- Stop picking my nose and wiping it on my sleeve.
- Not have Cher’s hairstyle.
- Have better hair than Zack.
- Never go bald.
- Slash Lance Bass’s tires.
- Learn to dress myself.
- Walk into fewer things.
- Get more ripped than Slater. Then hock a victory loogey on his face.
- Call Jessie “dykey pickle” to her face
- Master the escape from the inside of a high school locker.
- Whoop Gary Coleman in a boxing match.
- Bake a bitchin’ blueberry cobbler.
- Get promoted at the Max from busboy to server at the ripe age of 32
