Anyone who has read the site before knows that I am a tremendous fan of the Star Wars series. Actually, I just did a quick search of the site and it looks like I have no posts up that focus on Star Wars…interesting, I distinctly remember comparing Kevin Federline to a fallen AT-AT walker, but I guess that was just a pleasant dream I once had. Well, though I have no previous blog to prove it to you, trust me, I am a tremendous fan of the Star Wars series. I consider my knowledge of the movies (particularly the good three) to be fairly encyclopedic. I will admit that once those three prequels came out I did start losing touch and I imagine an expert could get some trivia past me. Nonetheless, I remain a huge fan of the saga, so you can imagine my surprise when I went into the cinema today and saw that…BOOM!…there is a new Star Wars out right now!!!

I couldn’t believe my eyes and immediately ran to the ticket counter without thinking twice. I said, “Ma’am I’ll take one adult ticket for the next showing of Star Wars!!” The woman started ringing me up, then paused a second and said, “Wait do you mean–” But I cut her off, “Ma’am I mean exactly what I said, you are looking at the biggest Star Wars fan around!!” She seemed confused, probably at the intensity of my fandom, but handed me the ticket anyway and reminded me to “Enjoy the show.” To which I said, “Thank you ma’am, and may the force be with you.” Why? Because I’m hilarious and that’s a hilarious thing to say before you go see the new Star Wars!!!
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Hola amigos! Happy Cinco de Mayo!…or as it’s known in San Jose, Cinco de Stabbo. So anywho I recently saw the new x-men movie about the origin of the great Wolverine and must say that it was off the hook. Wolverine delivers on all three qualities that great action movies should possess including a great storyline, super kick-ass fight scenes, and outta dis world special effects. On the ever-changing and highly praised Pete Marsh’s Top Movies List, it moved passed some epic and undeniable greats such as Spiderman 2, Star Wars: Attack of the Clones, and Home Alone 2: Lost in New York with Some Crazy Pigeon Lady.

So going into this movie I had no idea what to expect considering I have never read any of the comics and vaguely remember the cartoon series. It begins with Logan (Wolverine) sick in bed when he is a kiddo. His brother (Sabertooth) speaks about how he too used to be sick when he was younger…nice foreshadowing… Logan’s pops strolls in and he reassures the little mutant that everything is going to be fine and blah blah blah. I forget exactly what happens but there might have been a loud noise or someone yelling for Logan’s dad? Logan’s Dad then goes downstairs and he ends up getting shot. Wolverine sees his father killed in cold murder and fury takes over. For the first time his not-so blades come out, I would say blades but they are finger nails at the time. Logan charges towards the killer and sticks his blades right into his stomach. Pretty brutal and narly! But a little plot twist comes into effect as Wolverine watches the guy who killed his father die; tell him the truth that he was Wolverine’s true father. So Logan runs faster than Forest Gump and his brother catches up with him and explains to him he did the right thing and that they must always stick together for the fact that normal people will not accept them for who they are.

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Hello internet world, its me, your American Hero with another movie review. This time I’m soder and ready to rip the shizzle out of one of the worst movies of all-time. So hold onto your keyboards as I go off on this terrible movie.

So I get to the theatre a little outside San Jose to see The Knowing. I knew very little about the movie except that it was about the end of the world and one of my favorite actors, Nicolas Cage, was in it. So I was pretty amped up for this movie and ready for Nicky boi to put an end to the end of the world. So after buying my ticket at the great price of 4.50!…unheard of in San Jose…I got some popcorn and a little so-derrr pop and headed into the theatre.

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This past weekend my good friend Luke sent me a wake up call, asking if I would like to go with him to a sweet lodge. I thought to myself, “Yikes, this is going to severely interfere with my Saturday afternoon calisthenics routine down by the sound,” but then I thought “Aw heck, I’ll go anyway. After all, this sweet lodge sounds pretty sweet.” Twenty minutes and an orange later, I was in Luke’s hotrod, on my way to the sweet lodge. Little did I know, I was in for one of the sweatiest days of my life.

Why was my day sweat-drenched? It all comes down to a simple mis-communication. I thought that Luke, who has a very strong and noticeable Staten Island accent, said SWEET lodge, but in reality he had said SWEAT lodge. Though the difference here is only one letter (that letter being A) the implications are significant. What did I expect? I imagined a lovely gingerbread house, with candy cane gutters, a twizzler garden hose and a gumball compost pile out back. I pictured a nice little candy lodge, something straight out of Hansel and Gretel. Well, the experience was like Hansel and Gretel…in the sense that I felt trapped in an oven for two hours.

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In recent months, two metal shows have been created by less-than-qualified individuals. First, the TalkingMetal,com clowns were given a show on Fuse. My loathing for that podcast and its snore inducing hosts cannot be put into words, so I’ve avoided it like the plague. Second, is Eddie Trunk‘s new VH1 Classic outfit That Metal Show (co-hosted by comedian Jim Florentine and some guy named Don Jamieson). To give you an idea of how little attention this show warrants, it has been on now since December 6th, 2008 and the date I’m writing this is April 5th, 2009. I know I really shouldn’t expect much from VH1 Classic or anything Eddie Trunk ever does, but when a show comes out and it’s called “That Metal Show,” there is an immense amount of curiosity.

When I started this website, I planned on keeping things relatively metal, but honestly, I just can’t do as good a job as some others. My dedication is ultimately to myself and my ego, so following other people’s careers for a career just couldn’t work for me. Luckily, the word “metal” does not appear in the URL or our tagline (anymore) so I kinda side stepped that completely after a few months of miserable failure. However, if I were, a metal blogger, writer, podcaster, or just a hardcore fan, I would be absolutely insulted that this is what I’ve been handed as “metal on TV.”

I’ll begin by giving you Wikipedia’s description of the episode I watched, which was apparently episode three of season two. Season one had seven whole episodes (Power Rangers’ first season had 65, so the term “season” apparently doesn’t mean shit). Here it is:

They begin the episode by discussing music in the digital age and the differences between listening to an album and downloading songs off of iTunes. They welcome out Nuno Bettencourt and Gary Cherone (who enters through the audience). They discuss several things including the reasons that Extreme is coming back now and how it was following David Lee Roth and Sammy Hagar in Van Halen. Don and Jim revisit the “Van Halen TV” bit and go to London for “Motorhead TV.” Eddie got two and a half out of four in “Stump the Trunk.” The pick of the weeks were Danko Jones by Jim, The Binges by Don, and Richie Kotzen by Eddie. They discuss “Whatever Happened to”. The “Throwdown” is “Which is the meaner album: Slayer’s Reign in Blood or Pantera’s Vulgar Display of Power. Gary, Nuno, Jim, and Don choose Pantera and Eddie chooses Slayer.

Literally that was it. I took notes throughout and that’s kinda what they look like. You could read that and come away with just as much knowledge as you did going in. But, I’m not here to recap, I’m here to criticize and insult, so without further ado…

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12 ROUNDS starring the WWE superstar JOHN “ YOU CAN’t SEE ME!” Cena
By the American Hero, Peter P. Marsh dah third

Alrighty internet people I went to this movie absolutely wasted and I snuk booze into the threate and I am wasted while writing this, just for the record. Well anywho, not a well ur drink from,… a little word play I have noticed Roy likes to do…by the way love Roy’s entries….oh boy this is gonna be a long entry. OKAY people, I have to say 12 rounds was action packed, maybe too action packed!?! The entire film keeps you on the edge of ur seat but never gives you sense of, what’s the word, I’m getting a little writers block with a Mutombo wave of the finger, lets just say that the movie just all action and no understanding, if that makes any sense.

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Pete took about a month to write these and sent them to me with the following message attached:

Professor Smartass,
i know they are a little late but when i was writing
them they got totally deleted twice (do believe me, i would not lie to a professor) and im hoping you wont take any points off of them,
honestly,
Peter Marsh

Alright here you go…. another stellar review from Your American Hero – DJ

Written by Mister Marsh, the true M&M, and brought to you by smartassradio.com

I am going to attempt to do two movie reviews in this edition of Pete Marsh’s Metal Movie Reviews. Unheard of!!!! I know. The only problem I have with putting these two movies in the same review is the fact that The Wrestler does not come close in comparison with Slum Dog Millionaire. It is no secret that I am an avid wrestling fanatic and surely annoyed most of my housemates last year, for the exception of Jonah, every Monday night watching Raw. However, The Wrestler, a movie I believed to have endless potential, seemed to focus only on the negative aspects of professional wrestling. And it continued to get sadder and grimmer as it went on. But what can I say about SLUM DOG MILLIONAIRE! It had great music, hot girls, a poor dude getting a millionaire bucks, and an overall feel good movie, an instant top fiver on the prestigious Pete Marsh Movie List. This movie is in great company with such classics as Rocky, Iron Man (another instant top 5er), Rambo, and any movie with Kirsten Dunst who I desire with all my soul. So I’ll kick it off with The Wrestler. Enjoy!

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