Farts = Funny: A Lesson in Fart Theory
If you find the title of this article even remotely juvenile or questionable do not read any further (unless you like that sort of thing).
I have a very decidedly problematic relationship with farts – I simultaneously find them horrifically disgusting and uncontrollably laugh out loud funny. I think I’ve finally figured out their secret, though. And I’ve done it with the power of math.
When coming up with this article, I found myself thinking “What thing do I personally find the simplest and most basically funny?” It legitimately took me about 20 minutes to come up with “Farts.”, but once I did, I knew I was on to something.
The next question I had to ask myself was “Why? Why on earth is something so heinous so hilarious?” I mean, when you really think about it a fart is about as disgusting as it gets. Something in your colon creates gas which has no other escape than your dirty little asshole. Then it stinks like the inside of your colon, which apparently isn’t much different than the inside of a Tauntaun’s.
However, I think this is truly the genius of a fart. It’s so vile; it’s always inappropriate and in that inappropriateness is humor. Let’s start with some basic equations I came up with:
- A quick exchange with a friend = nice
Then…
A quick exchange with a friend + fart = funny +memorable - Watching a sad movie = boring
Then…
Watching a sad movie + fart = funny movie and a cinematic moment you’ll never be able to take seriously again.
Alright, so we can see how basic fart theory can simply liven up any given activity. But, when you look into adding the basic (fart) with other comedic elements like (time) and (place) you’re looking at comedy gold:
- Sex talk with your parents = awful and uncomfortable
Now, if we add the sub equation (Silence +Time + Fart) we see this:
Sex talk with your parents + (Silence + Time + Fart) = fucking hilarious - Looking at an elephant at the zoo = not as amusing as it should be, even though you’re drunk
Now add (Excitement of little children + Parents + Elephant Fart)
Looking at an elephant + (Excitement of little children + Parents + Elephant Fart) = “I’m so glad I’m here right now, in this very moment…. Pass me that bottle of ‘water’, dude”
So that’s the basics of Fart Theory as it stands. I’m sure there are hundreds of more advanced equations my head can’t even wrap itself around, and if I come up with any, I’ll be sure to post them. Until that time, know that every single time Roy makes a fart noise with his mouth I’ll be laughing my ass off.
Also, I just finished a short essay for an online class and I struggled to talk about how DVR has effectively penetrated the market for 350 words, but I managed to talk about farts for roughly 500 without batting an eyelash.
I’m an idiot.
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