Dear Reader,
I’m still back on Long Island. I’m not going to lie, it has been a pretty nice time. The only trouble is the night life, for which there is none. The main reason for that is that all my friends are up in New Paltz and I’m down here. So, while my days are packed with delicious food and drum playing, my nights are left watching movies and updating the site while DJ drinks and ignores it. Below are five potential blog posts I could write. I’ve provided the first paragraph and then a brief mission statement for where I would go with the post. At the end of the post there is a poll. Read through the possibilities and then vote on your favorite. I’ll check the stats tomorrow night and complete the most popular selection.
Your Lonely Blog Writer,
Roy
Writing about how much I like this picture is a sixth blog possibility.
“Peta Needs To Calm The Fuck Down, Again”
> Animal rights “group” PETA recently proposed that musical group “The Pet Shop Boys” change their name to “The Animal Shelter Boys.” Really PETA? Really? How about you change your name to PITA. How does that feel? Still sound cool to you? Do you mind if I just demand that you change your name around? Does that bother you? That’s a normal thing to do, right? Because I think PETA is really anti the correct spelling of pita. So how about you just change the whole thing? Is that too much work PETA? You don’t mind doing that for me right PETA? Huh, PETA? Answer me PETA!
> From here I would outline what the group PITA would be all about (ie: protecting the rights of flat bread). Much less controversial and much easier to accomplish 100% of the group’s long term goals.
“At What Point Does Brotherly Love Become Homoerotic”
> As a straight man I frequently feel the glare of society’s eyes blazing on me, judging me around the clock to see if I have yet turned gay. I have a problem with this for a few reasons. One: I don’t like being watched. Unless I’m sleeping, in which case I love being watched. Two: I don’t like being judged. Unless I’m dancing, in which case I demand to be judged. Three: that sentence implies that being gay is a choice. Perhaps, my concern about being seen as gay really comes from within, rather than without. I have recently found out that I have a hard time gauging my levels of brotherly love. What exactly is the difference between being a cold prick and a hot dick?
> From here I would talk about the different things about males that I find attractive and try to determine what is the borderline between gay and straight. Throughout the article I would sound pretty gay.
“Re-reviewing Seven Pounds”
>Back in January Peter Paul Marsh III (American Hero) gave us a really fantastic review of Will Smith’s 2008 blockbuster “Seven Pounds.” It was so fantastic in fact that I feel the need to redo it. I just watched the movie tonight and it was completely different than anything I would have expected from Pete’s review. Here are some key points I had not realized after reading the SAR review. First the movie is a love story between two people, that probably should have been brought up. Second, there are not several storylines going on at once. There’s just one (though there are a few flashbacks to earlier in the same story). Third, the ending does not come out of the blue; you can predict it after the first 45 minutes.
> I would continue to rant about how those three very key points were not mentioned. I might talk a little bit more about the movie. Then I would switch to my fourth point: Rosario Dawson is in the movie and she is very good looking.
“It’s A Little Outrageous That The Stores Attached To Bowling Alleys Are Called ‘Pro-Shops’”
>I passed a bowling alley today and noticed that attached to the building was a very interesting looking store. It was called the “Pro Shop.” I consider myself to be a pro in most aspects of life so, naturally, I walked inside to see what was the dealio (pro-talk for the word ‘situation’). Much to my chagrin (pro-talk for the sudden embarrassment upon realizing that you are in a bowling bowl store ) I found that I was not in a pro store, I was in a bowling bowl store. Whoever came up with the audacious idea to start calling bowling bowl suppliers “pro” must have been a real marketing genius, but I think its high-time that this practice be ended.
>From here I would talk more about what makes a “Pro-Shop” very un-pro. Then I would describe in detail my definition of “pro” and what exactly a proper “Pro-Shop” would stock.
“69 Better Things That Could Be In Easter Eggs Aside From Fucking Jelly Beans”
>I participated in an Egg Hunt today (not that kind of egg hunt unfortunately, wink wink) and was very dissatisfied when I found that I had only come away with 14 pounds of jelly beans. I put a lot of elbows into a lot of children’s faces to get those eggs, I was expecting much better loot. There are millions of things that can fit inside the space of a tiny plastic egg. Here are 69 alternatives:
> It’s pretty predictable what I would do from here. I would list out 69 small objects that are more desirable than jelly beans. The first three would be: a winning raffle ticket, a condom and a business card for a good masseuse.
Is this a useless blog post?
No.
Why?
Because I learned how to spell masseuse. Now, as with any democracy, I’ll put the choice in your hands. I can easily finish up any five of these potential posts. You folks can vote and, boom, I’ll do it. Leave a comment with your name and I’ll even dedicate the post in your honor.
[poll id="9"]
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i changed the poll. and i challenge you to do it before you make your way back up here.