As a humorist I take almost nothing that seriously. It’s not only part of my job, it’s part of my personality and lifestyle. For example, I don’t take the word “tendercrisp” very seriously. I’m sorry, but I can’t. This leads to more problems. For example, I can’t take the Wikipedia page for the Tendercrisp seriously. What’s worse, I can no longer take the words “Tender” or “Crisp” seriously. It’s an awful downward spiral of lacking seriousness, all because I can’t take the word “tendercrisp” seriously. Some other words I no longer take seriously are: change, penis, vagina, awesome, tubular, black ops and any adverb.
But those are just words. This blog post is about things I don’t take seriously. I want to be as clear as can be with this. Maybe the word Tendercrisp or the word Tubular or the word Penis lend themselves to comedy. They don’t really have a serious connotation to begin with. The things on this list are things that (I’m pretty sure) are meant to be taken seriously. Still, from first glance I could not take them seriously. Let me tell you what the four things are and why I, ultimately, find them so funny.
The International Custodian of the Holy Lands, Pierbattista Pizzaballa
I’m going to guess correctly and say that you don’t know who this is. Let me explain by plagiarizing: this dude is an officer of the Franciscan order, appointed by the General Definitorium of the Franciscan Order of Friars Minor, with the approval of the Vatican. The Custodian, or Custos, is the head of all Franciscans in the Holy Land.
OK, so this guy is in charge of some shit. Here’s why I can’t take it seriously:
First off, he is called the International Custodian, which is pretty funny. What does he do refill the toilet paper dispensers in Israel? Sweep up the sand? Second off, we still use the term Holy Lands? That seems dated. The area this guy covers is Israel, the Palestinian Territories, Jordan, Syria, Lebanon, Egypt, and the islands of Cyprus and Rhodes. Again it is pretty funny that we call that area Holy. It sounds terrible to me. From what I remember there is always lots of shit going down around those countries. Not really that holy. Maybe holes in heads. It’s kind of an angry area right? Like lots of animosity? Aren’t there a bunch of Muslims around there also? What’s the Vatican doing trying to appoint a Custodian to this angry area of Muslims? It seems like a pretty half-baked idea that, honestly, I have trouble taking seriously. Is this guy going to clean up all this tension? Yeah right guys.
The thing I really can’t take seriously about this is the guy’s name: Pierbattista Pizzaballa. Are you kidding me!! Ha-ha!! PIZZABALLA!!! Hey, it’sa me, Pizza-baller! I’m here to solve all the problems in the Middle East and turn you guys into Christians!
Yeah, ok guy, go take a walk.
This Picture of Jonah Hill
Whattttt? First off, here’s something pretty funny: Jonah Hill is 27. Another funny thing is that I guess he takes himself pretty seriously? This is the picture from his Wikipedia page. Actually his WP is full of things that I could not believe, and could not take seriously. Things like: his full name is Jonah Hill Feldstein, and he “studied” acting at a college.
This Blog Post
I don’t plan my blog posts. I know I should if I want them to be good, but that’s a lot of work for almost no pay off. No one even comments on these, and the posts that I do put a lot of effort into go pretty much unnoticed. Maybe I would take it more seriously if I wanted to be blog writer, but I don’t. Actually, these posts would probably inhibit my ability to get the job I want. They also take up a lot of my time. I don’t care about this.
But I do care about my commitment to numbers, so…
I don’t take you seriously.