It’s amazing what people will tolerate when it comes to the dumbness of others. Anyone who has ever worked a job that involves public interaction has surely been accosted by questions, comments or criticisms which are so unreasonable or so vapid that the brain can barely compose a response. How many times have you pinched your brow, rolled your eyes or shook your head in disbelief at the ignorance of another? Still, we have to bite our tongues before we shout out, “How stupid can you be?” Well, I wanted to put it to the test. How stupid can a person be and still illicit a gracious response from someone? I turned to my good friend: Joel C. Marquette. A nice, well-spoken man, but also a grade-A goof. Below are a series of e-mails from Joel’s gmail account. All the responses are 100% authentic, but names have been changed to protect the innocent.
The Topic: Can I juggle while I parachute in tandem with my fiancee?
My name is Joel and I am interested in setting up a Sky-Diving session for this spring. My fiancee has been Sky-Diving before upstate, but I have never done it. We are getting married in July and I want to show her that I can be risky and a “daredevil” as well. I was wondering if it is possible to set up a partners session? Where we can both jump at once? I’m guessing that is doable. I also had another question. I am a very skilled juggler and my fiancee always gets a kick when I do juggling tricks in public. Would it be possible for me to bring a set of juggler’s clubs up with me for the jump? I would only want to bring three clubs which is very standard, they would be made of a light weight wood and are just a bit smaller than bowling pins. Again, while I have never Sky-dove, I have been juggling nearly all my life and I promise I am very good. I know my fiancee would be impressed beyond words if she saw me juggling while parachuting. I hope we can work this out. I understand because it is a special circumstance it may cost more than usual, but I am more than willing to pay.
Hope to hear from you soon,
Thanks for your interest in skydiving with us. Also congratulations on you upcoming wedding. We would be more than happy to take you and your fiancée on a skydive. Our season opens on May 2 and we’re happy to skydive with you anytime after that. Ours season concludes in the middle of October.
As for juggling. You’re more than welcome to juggle on the ground before and after your jump. However, we cannot allow you to bring jugglers in the aircraft, freefall or under the parachute. In freefall and under the parachute you would not be able to control them and they would be lost. Dropping them could also lead to property damage and/or personal injury of people on the ground. Once you skydive you will understand how juggling in freefall and under the parachute would not be possible.
How does May 2 sound for you? Thanks again for your interest in skydiving with us.
>>>Hello Parachute Company,
Thanks for getting back to me so quickly, I appreciate it. I’m glad to hear that you have open spots, that is very good news. I wish that I could still try the juggling though. I have been thinking this over and the juggling aspect of the jump has really become a big part of my vision. I do understand that you would be liable if I were to drop something during the jump. I think I have a solution. Maybe three simple hacky-sacks could work? Even if I were to drop one it wouldn’t hurt anybody because they are so soft. I hope we can work something out. I live in ________, so I could maybe come down and show you some of my tricks, because I am a very good juggler. I could even try juggling outside on a windy day if that would help ease your apprehensions.
Looking forward to talking with you,
>>>I see this is very important to you, however safety and common sense must prevail. No juggling anything while you’re skydiving or flying the parachute. You will drop whatever you’re juggling for sure. Please feel free to juggle before and after the jump while you’re at the airport though.
>>>Hello Parachute Company,
How stupid do you think I am?
-Joel C. Marquette