I’m Afraid My Love for Ranch Dressing Might One Day Become Unconditional
I’ve recently realized that I am beginning to abide by this formula, a little to much:
FOOD Q + RANCH DRESSING = YUMMY-IN-MY-TUMMY
Let me go back a bit….There is tasty treat tucked away on a small corner of New Paltz. A place called Fat Bob’s Pizzeria (Shout out to Bob!).They have a special slice, the Chicken Bacon Ranch. ChiBa Ra, for short. It is just the perfect slice to devour no matter what time of day it is. But, this article isn’t about the slice. In fact, the slice itself isn’t that perfect. If I added some buffalo sauce to it, just a little drizzle, then it would be perfect. Anyway…
What the slice made me realize was that I really enjoy Ranch Dressing in combination with any food (See above formula). I started adding Ranch Dressing (Yes, I consider Ranch Dressing to be a proper noun) to all the essential foods. Cheeseburger, add the Ranch: Ka-Plow! Chicken wings, Ranch-a-fy: Delicious! Hotdog? Yes. Cheesesteak? Yes. Carrot sticks? Hell yes.
Now the issue arises. Ranch Dressing does make pretty much everything more delectable. However, dousing every meal in Ranch Dressing also makes you look/become a fat ass. Now I want my taste-buds to be satisfied, but I also want my lady-buds to be satisfied. If you catch my drift.
That was embarrassing. Sorry. It was probably just Ranch Dressing on the brain. Seriously, though, what’s next? Ranch on waffles? Dipping oreos in Ranch? Switching out my toothpaste? Basically, I’m afraid my love for Ranch Dressing is going to become unconditional and then I’ll become a fat ass. Weep womp.
How to solve the problem? Caesar.
09/07/2008
Remember you can also baste yourself in it after you realize the weight gain.
09/07/2008
To this day, I have no desire to consume Ranch Dressing. The smell alone is enough to make me sick. I guess I have been spared from this curse.