I Take Back Every Negative Thing I’ve Ever Said About Bob Dylan
I hate Bob Dylan‘s music. I really really do. To me, it sounds like the ramblings of an idiot on salvia. There is absolutely nothing musically redeeming to me and I hate the way every birkenstock wearing jackass at my school believes him to be a god of some sort. You want real music that truly speaks to your meaningless life? Go listen to the four albums after Piano Man and before Glass Houses in the Billy Joel catalogue, you witless Long Island scum. But enough about them. I now love Bob Dylan, douchebag neighbor.
All bitching aside, I do love this song and video.
Today – you know, I say “today” a lot but usually these posts are written days before they go up, so assume I mean the date on the article linked. So, today, Roy pointed me to this article. I came up with a few zingers of intros to this post but scrappd them – here they are:
- Bob Dylan’s music stinks and now it’s very clear his shit does, too.
- Bob Dylan shits in a hole in the ground. I can prove it.
- I never thought Bob Dylan would look more like a turd than in the movie Don’t Look Back, boy was I wrong!
- Must be nice living next to Bob Dylan… NOT!
So after all that hilarity, I realized Bob Dylan was my residential icon. He has had a rotting shit-filled port-a-potty sitting in his driveway for six months and his uppity asshole neighbors are pissed. And he doesn’t give a fuck. Let’s look at some quotes from his pussy Malibu neighbors:
It’s a scandal — ‘Mr. Civil Rights’ is killing our civil rights.
Emminger and his wife have installed five industrial-sized fans in their frontyard in an attempt to blow the odor back at Dylan. They say the fans are no match for the ocean breeze that sweeps across the singer’s land, however.
You know what? I can’t do that statement any more justice than it does itself. Let’s get some more quotable quotes from other neighbors, I’d hate to make little Dave think we’re obsessed with him or something. Dick. This one’s from his wife:
“It started in September. I’d go into the frontyard and get nauseous,” said Cindy Emminger, 42. “I couldn’t figure out at first where the smell was coming from.”
You couldn’t figure it out where it was coming from? The big fucking blue toilet on Bob’s property. That’s where it’s coming from. It goes on. And on.
Her 8-year-old son, David Jr., was sickened by the stench. Then she became ill too.
“We both have allergies and are sensitive to chemicals,” she said. “I finally noticed that they had moved the porta-potty directly in front of my front door.”
Wow, this must have been some stank. Really. I’ve almost ‘uked from rotten meat and Cindy Emminger’s tang, but never shit. Seriously this must have been something awful. Something so foul, no living thing could get close enough to get rid of it/clean it/whatever needed to be done.
Guards who staff a security shack near the edge of Dylan’s compound around the clock are among those who utilize the toilet, neighbors say.
Nevermind. But still, it must be pretty bad. Add that to the fact that they live in a truly priveledged part of town. No one paying those taxes should have to endure such things.
“I drove by one time and couldn’t locate the porta-potty or smell anything. I called the rental company on her behalf to find out what chemicals they use and forwarded that information to her,” [Malibu City Manager Jim] Thorsen said.
Knock it off Dave, Dave and Cindy (also sometimes known as Dave). He’s Bob Fucking Dylan. I don’t like his music, but have some respect or he will buy your house. With the cash in his wallet.
I pray to god the Emminger family has google alert.
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03/20/2009
thats what i call a shitty situation, bah dah bing
03/21/2009
What are you talking about! Glass Houses is an excellent record!