I’m Completely Open to Bi-Sexual Porn
Kanye West eloquently rebutted allegations that he would do bi-sexual porn earlier this week. First of all, idiots, the term “bi-sexual porn” makes me want to have sex with a woman and then flirt with a guy. I’ve never once in my very lenthy porn watching career ever saw something I would consider “bi-sexual” – it’s straight or it’s gay. Regardless, I’d do it. In fact, I’ve been thinking about it for a while and I just watched the first 80% of Zach and Miri Make a Porno (fucking megavideo). So here’s a few porno ideas I hope to make one day. Or at least over the course of a few days.
I’m telling you – they’re total sluts.
I’m still working on a title for this first little ditty. It stars me (they’re all going to star me) and Pamela Anderson from 1996. It’ll be a semi-futuristic endeavor where we travel through time and bang historical women. Jenny McCarthy from 1998 will play Susan B. Ant-Horny, Moesha-era Brandi will play Harriet Rubsmen, and 1967 Aretha Franklin will play Ike-era Tina Turner. Ike will most likly be played by Roy in blackface.
The second one is called Foreign Sex-change. It will feature Apu from the Simpsons as a college aged transvestite studying in America for the first time. His scene partner will be the Crypt Keeper, played by Jena Jameson. On the flip side, I will be in a Pakistani harem surrounded by girls who are attractive even through the veil. When they get naked, all hell breaks loose and I have to prove to the president of Pakistan that I’m a good person by penetrating all the harem girls.
A Guy, Twelve Girls and a Microwave Pizza is a parody of the CBS program Two Guys, a Girl and a Pizza Place. This one’s a bit more straightforward than my last two. In this a guy (me), twelve girls (the Dallas Cowboys cheerleaders) make a delicious microwave pizza (Boboli) and then bang while we eat it and drink Moutain Dew. The real appeal of this movie lies in its simplicity, no crazy plot twists, no trannies, just good ole American bangin’. With pizza.
My final idea is the one I’m probably most proud of. It’s called Tost. My plane crashes on a mysterious island full of intrigue and makes absolutely no sense. I want it to feel like I’m writing it as I go along, kinda like that TV show Lost, except with a lot more salad tossing. It features me, some fat Claudio Sanchez looking dude, and millions of beautiful women, which we don’t discover until we’re well into the second hour.
I wrote this entire post in a library.
