More Fun With Michael Jackson
Due to my strong personal convictions, I wish to stress that that this film in no way endorses a belief in unattractive obese men wearing glasses.
Salutations fellow smartasses. Uncle Chachi has returned with big news. Michael Jackson’s Thriller is set hit the Broadway stage. Sound like a good idea? Wait just a jail-dancing, moon-walking, kid-humping second. The Cha Cha Cha has a few suggestions on how we can make sure that the producers of this musical don’t disappoint and accidentally turn a cinematic masterpiece into Mamma Mia II.
Fucking horrifying.
- Michael Jackson should be played by none other than Drew Carey. Only his combination of fluid dance moves and horrifying facial structure could do the original justice. Also, I’m sure Drew would look dashing in an XXL varsity jacket.
- The zombie monsters from the sewer should be played by the elderly. This oldie but goody demographic would time the lagging speed of the attack on Drew as well as provide accurate dental duplicates for the original toothless monsters.
- The chick should be hot. Smokin’ hot. We’re talking the most lovable fat man in the world with the most kick-ass dance moves. I’m not sayin’ who, but please no moles, braces, wheelchairs, eye-patches, pimples, or peg legs.
- The house in which said babe takes refuge should be filled with tons of random shit. I’m talking a box of rice, a pine billiard table, and a leather recliner. Our damsel in distress will need props to battle the elderly/elongate the play over thirteen minutes.
- This is where it gets interesting. Because the elderly have never seen such modern house commodities, these catheter-clad barbarians will become drunk with curiosity and infatuated with items inside the house. This buys our leading lady some time. The monsters may even try and guess the….
Fuck. Turns out the music video for Thriller is exactly the same as the premise for the Price is Right. Now that’s terrifying.
02/06/2009
Maybe instead Michael should be played by Wayne Brady. And there should actually be no script, all of the monsters will just have to improvise a big ghoulish dance scene. And Drew Carey can do the big ugly cackling voice over(“For no mere mortal can resist the evil of the Thriller…”, etc.) and ring the buzzer…?