Hello internet world, its me, your American Hero with another movie review. This time I’m soder and ready to rip the shizzle out of one of the worst movies of all-time. So hold onto your keyboards as I go off on this terrible movie.
So I get to the theatre a little outside San Jose to see The Knowing. I knew very little about the movie except that it was about the end of the world and one of my favorite actors, Nicolas Cage, was in it. So I was pretty amped up for this movie and ready for Nicky boi to put an end to the end of the world. So after buying my ticket at the great price of 4.50!…unheard of in San Jose…I got some popcorn and a little so-derrr pop and headed into the theatre.
The movie starts in the year 1959, and focuses in on this strange little girl who hears voices in her head…Randy Orton WWE theme song…. Meanwhile the teacher assigns the kids to draw a picture of what they think the future will be like in 50 years and all of their pictures will be put in a time capsul and opened in fitty years. While most of the class is drawing rocket ships and your American Hero on a horse with his army behind him, the derranged girl ends up just writing lots and lots of numbers. Well anyway these pics are put in the capsul, not to be seen again in 50 years later.
FIFTY YEARS LATER
The capsul is opened and Nicky boi’s kid gets the envolope with the numbers. When the kid brings the numbers home, the Cagemeister ends up putting his coffee on it leaving a circular stain. Within the circle the number 911 is revealed and a number in the thousands. He looks up both numbers on google, and finds out that, that’s how many people died on 9/11. He goes into super research mode and discovers the pattern to this strange piece of paper, which shows all the dates and how many people were killed on those particular dates in all of world history. At this time the movie is still rawking and I’m like nicky boi you got the power!!!! Also it shows the dates of the future and how many will die. Unknown to him then it also shows the latitude and LONGitude lines of these disasters.
So he gets stuck in traffic and knows that something like 841 people are supposed to die on this day. He stayed up all night to try to find if anything happened on the news but couldn’t find it. But back in traffic, out of nowhere a plane shoots across the sky and nose dives into the ground. This was certainly the best part of the movie. Although very gory and disburbing, the visual effects were totally sweet and you really felt like you were there right after a plane crash. So this is when he finds out that the remaining numbers inbetween the patterns REPRESENT the locations of these events. I love the word represent. Also its here that he knows that he was given this paper for a reason and these things were meant to happen, sort of like his destiny is written and he can do nothing to stop it.
From here the movie continues to thrill and leave you guessing while Nick Cage tries to stop a couple of the foreseen, awful events from occurring. The build for the climax of this movie was so great that when you get to it you are like what the f’ing heck. This ending could NOT have been worse…and the way I underlined not and bolded it and capped it and italic it and made it the worse color you could shows how much I hated this ending… I almost wanted to start booing and demand my money back. And I think the most frustrating part of the whole thing was that it was such a good movie until the ending. Never has an ending been so bad and I’ve seen some doosies in my time. I don’t wanna go against my patent “I don’t give away movies” for a second review in a row so I’ll just leave it at that if you do go see this movie, go for the first hour and half and leave right before all these strange men who look the same are surrounding the Ford F150, and for the record the Ford F150 rocks, and go home and make up your own ending. Whatever you make up will be 100x better than what these people thought up. Really the ending is bad.
Okay so that’s it for another movie review from your hero. Keith Klang just got in town so I’m waiting for him to get off the train so we can go drinks some cold brewskees and hook up with all the hot Californian girls. Also I would like to take this time to say happy Easter to everyone and to say I believe it is the most under-rated holiday. Come on people, coloring Easter eggs, hiding and finding them, eating massive amounts of chocolate, a day off from school…people who hate Easter need to get a clue. The only thing preventing Easter into the land of Pete Marsh’s exclusive top 3 holiday days is the fact that the Dallas Cowboys do not play. Alrighty doods, have fun and rock out and to all my friends who are graduating, get all the partying in you can and sneek as many beers as you possibly can in your gown, coz unlike your American Hero who is always partying and living life to the extreme most of you will end up getting boring jobs and living boring lives, just kidding!!!!!
PEACE AND LOVE,
Your American Hero,
Peter P Marsh III
