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My Top 5 Potential Children’s Names

Well it has been quite a while since our last update. Though our Rocktober shows have been going strong, I thought I would provide a little written snippet to tide everyone over until this Sunday. Be sure to tune in this Sunday though, for our special “Ol’ Tymey Radio Terror-cast” (tentative title).

What I’ll be reviewing this afternoon are my top five children’s names. Yes, one day, I plan on spreading my seed and endowing this planet with another set of geniuses and prodigies. But what will I name these children? Let’s take a look:

To begin, I will say that all the names I have come up with are masculine, so if I have a daughter she will have to deal.

1) Roy

Pros: I’m a junior. So if I named my son Roy, he would be the third! I can’t pass up that opportunity. Plus, his initials will sound like a robot. RJ-V3.

Cons: I guess its a little pretentious, egotistic and old-fashioned (I’m still doing it).

2) Santa

Pros: He’ll be the most popular kid in school until fourth grade!

Cons: Everyone will stop believing in him after that.

3) Hank

Pros: Genetics say that my son is likely to have the same feathery-frame and skeleton-thin body type that I have. Something needs to make my heir masculine and Hank is just the name to do it. Also, I can start taking the name back from those hicks who have soiled it for all these years. (I’m looking at you Hank Hill).

Cons: As I mentioned above, it’s a redneckish name.

4) Tendercrisp

Pros: This name just sounds delicious and it is so fun to say. “Tendercrisp! Get down from that tree!” It’s appealing, it’s nice mix of soft and hard sounds. Perfect name.

Cons: It’s not really a name, its a Burger King sandwich.

5) Rich

Pros: My son’s name would reflect a major social-economic theme: Rich Verspoor (Rich vs. Poor). Intelligent. Thought-provoking. Scholarly. Very few people can strike a philosophical chord just by introducing themselves.

Cons: A nickname for Rich is dick.

So, those are the potential names right now.What do you guys and girls think?

Roy? Santa? Hank? Tendercrisp? or Rich?

[poll id="5"]

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There are 5 Comments to this article

DJ says:
10/15/2008

I have to go with Hank… It’s such a great name – nice and short, masculine and if he ends up half the indie fuck you are, it’ll be ironic as hell.

meggggg says:
11/16/2008

cant take hank…hanks already my car. tendercrisp would be a ladykiller and RVJ3 is my favorite.

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12/13/2008

[...] Discuss potential children’s names. Towards the end of the meal, once we’ve gotten to know each other a bit more, I’ll get down to [...]

Seven Things I Am Completely Inept At | Smartass Radio says:
01/09/2009

[...] my Kids When I wrote my Top Five Children’s Names I got a little overzealous. So much so that I had some babies. I got kind of tired of those names [...]

Long Division or "Why Roy is A Drunken Idiot" | Smartass Radio says:
01/30/2009

[...] telling me that preparing Melinda, Ronnie, Mike, John, Stacy, Tendercrisp, DJ and Tracy each with enough apples for their teachers on the first day of class isn’t one of [...]

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