Earlier in the week DJ brought to my attention a startling fact: apparently you people are not very literate. Well either that or the content on this site is just too stupid- though no particular post comes to mind. Here’s the evidence:

88% Basic 11% Intermediate 1% Posts by Patty O’Leary

Not looking good. Well, luckily I work in a library and I happened to have some archive access. That’s right! I have access to archived books- really famous manuscripts that have never been released! So, in an effort to boost our reading level, I stole this exclusive chapter excerpt from Herman Melville’s classic Moby Dick. These particular chapters were censored from the original publication because they describe the whale’s penis and Ishmael’s diatribe on whale semen. It’s pretty boring stuff, but I can guarantee you that this is 100% real. I stole these documents from the library I work at and copied them here, word for word, verbatim. Enjoy:

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Finally, a genius journalist and undercover mastermind – myself – has infiltrated the juggalo ranks, posing as one of their own, to get inside look at their silly shenanigans. If you thought it looked bad from the outside, well then, digest this scoop from the inside.

This has 5,500,000 hits.

Now, I’m no juggalo. I’m not retarded, inbred, or obese, and I don’t have a hatchet man tattoo; so it was no small task for me to blend in with their kind. It was like when that white dude wore blackface in the south and wrote Black Like Me, only less racist and I didn’t wear facepaint.

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I’m a pretty smart guy, but even I can get stumped sometimes. The other day DJ and I were talking about the hardest classes we’ve ever taken. For me one class stands out above the rest. In my sophomore year of college I took a class called “Abstract Philosophy.” I thought it would be a breeze, an easy-A general education class. Boy was I wrong. It ended up being one of the hardest classes I ever took. In the end I came away with an A-. Totally sucked. Here’s a scan of the final exam. This shit was tough.

Hey guys! Last time we busted out a “Dear SmartassRadio” we explained how to stay fit and healthy. It was a huge success and the letters have been pouring in ever since. This time we decided it would be more fun to answer some of the sexier letters we’ve gotten in recent months. Check ‘em out after the jump.

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Every week, one of us picks an album and all four of us has to review it. It’s not necessarily a new release, just something that one of us is into. This week we’re reviewing “Snakehouse” by The Cliks.

Here’s the album art and track listing (links are to youtube videos of songs):

“Complicated“ “Cry Me a River” (Justin Timberlake Cover) “Misery“ “Eyes In the Back of My Head“ “Soul Back Driver” “Start Leading Me On“ “Whenever” “Oh Yeah“ Nobody Else Will“ “Back In Style“

Check out the reviews after the jump…

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At the start of a new year everyone likes to make resolutions. It is very easy to say you are going to accomplish something when you know you still have 365 days left to put it off. I don’t know what kind of time you put into the whole resolution process. Some people take it pretty seriously; they really want to buckle down and get some shit down, which is fine. Other people make up some bull-shit thing and then don’t follow through on it. Actually, pretty much everyone gives up. Anyone remember your resolution from last year? Well, I do. It was to keep rocking constantly. I failed for about 45 minutes overall, but the other 525,555 minutes were no problem. Yeah, I know, what about the 175,184 minutes I spent sleeping? Well, I had rocking dreams and nightmares. But, anyway, it’s still a bull-shit resolution no matter how you slice or dice it.

You want some actual advice? You want to really be inspired? You want to truly change your life? Look no further than the theme song to American educational television program Arthur on PBS.

Prepare to cry your eyes out because you’re about to witness something spectacular:

Let’s break it down in a SmartassRadio lyrical breakdown.

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It’s the last day of the year! It’s the last day of the year! Everyone is getting drunk tonight! Everyone is getting drunk tonight! Party time! Party time!

But first, let’s look at some statistics. Once again the state of the art research team here at SmartassRadio.com has compiled the top 50 Google searches of the year. This is a yearly tradition. We’ve been compiling this info for decades, but we only post the list when we’ve made it. Otherwise it’s pretty irrelevant, you know? Well, the first time we made it was back in 2008. I admit we didn’t cut it in 2009, sadly- it takes a strong man to admit when he’s been beat. The good news is that the SAR research report shows that we have once again made the top 50! We’re sitting pretty at #39! Excellent. Here are the top 10 Google searches of 2010, the rest of the list is after the break.

1. Chat Roolet

2. katy perry boobs elmo

3. Avatar: Last Air Bender

4. alison brie boobs

5. Circuit City

6. val kilmer boobs

7. # 食べログ

8. sofia vergara boobs

9. Who is BP?

10. Michael Jackson tour 2011

Congratulations to Katy Perry and Elmo for making it to the top of the list!

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