Predator X: Not a Sequel
Let me state that following a Static X post with post about Predator X is like following the Jonas Brothers with Pantera. That being said, don’t judge Predator X before you read this. – DJ
Fuckin’ a – how come only news sources (and tabloids) ending in .co.uk bring us anything usefull to read while NYT.com and online.wsj.com/home-page (that url makes me sick) just keep cramming economic jargon down our throats in vain attempts at educating the masses (read: “making the masses feel like dumb assholes”). This week during my travels through the jollier section of the Internet, I came across this kickass piece of news.
Is that a T-Rex with flippers? No. It’s worse.
I’ll let the Mirror’s blog post set the stage:
The most fearsome sea monster the world has ever seen has been found buried in the Arctic.
Dubbed “Predator X”, the massive pliosaur was fifty feet long and weighed 45 tons.
It had massive jaws with a bite force of 33,000 pounds – ten times the force of any animal alive today, including the Great White Shark.
Every tooth in its massive jaw was a foot long and Predator X clamped its victims with four times the force of T-Rex.
Fuck. Yes. Roy has been making a strong case for the Mastodon being the most badass animal ever and the band of the same name has made a pretty strong case as well. However, this thing definitely takes the cake or, perhaps more appropriately, ruins absolutely everything in its bloodthirsty path.
Mastodon’s mindfucking video for “Divinations”
Apparently, the scientists who found this bad boy had found one two years earlier, and dubbed it “The Monster.” Let’s think on that for a second. Frankenstein created a monster. Dragons have been traditionally considered monsters, but this thing is the monster. The one and only. Here’s a part of Wikipedia’s definition of the word “monster”:
The term monster refers to a being that is a gross exception to the norms of some ecosystem. A person referred to as a monster is taken as exceptionally evil, grotesque, unreasonably strict and uncaring, sociopathic, and/or sadistic. The word monster connotes something wrong or evil; e.g.: a monstrous being is: very morally objectionable, physically or psychologically hideous, or a freak of nature.
And a group of scientists decided that this description and best embodied how awesome this creature was. That was two years ago, before they found the even bigger, more horribly terrifying Predator X. According to the Mirror post, the bone linking its skull to its back was twice the size of a T-Rex. TWICE.
Two nights ago I had the pleasure of watching Jurassic Park on some second rate premium cable channel (I’m looking at you, Encore). That T-Rex, looked pretty impressive. But apprently, when compared to Predator X, T-Rex is nothing more than a plaything. Sure, T-Rex threw a couple of Jeeps around and breathed heavily onto some glass, but Pliosaur (what Predator X was) could actually pick a car up in its jaws and bite the goddamned thing in half. According to a preview on History.com (there’s a special on this beat on March 29th), “This monster makes T-Rex look like a puppy dog.” Last time I checked, puppy dogs were adorable little things that appeared on CuteOverload.com and shit on the carpet.
Predator X rules.
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03/17/2009
That post title is deceiving. I was convinced seven sequels of the movie Predator were about to be released.
03/18/2009
[...] Senior-Paleontology Expert Dan Scully recently painted a fairly spine-tingling portrait of the latest prehistoric fiend: Predator X (re: turtleshark). I have been a big dinosaur fan ever [...]