Ruminations from the Laundromat
Hello everyone, or shall I say Bonjour? Why shalt I say Bonjour? Well, I’m on a bit of an overseas adventure right now. No, I’m not overseas, but I am out of my apartment. I just trekked the icy parking lot to my next door laundromat (a word that WordPerfect, evidently, considers misspelt unless the “l” is capitalized). You might remember DJ’s recent post which he composed at this very same establishment. DJ apparently gets very irritable whilst in the laundromat and his “ruminations” ended up being an on-point rant about John Tesh (who, I agree, stinks). What will the laundromat have me come up with as far as blog posts? Well, lets see:
Before doing this I was joking with DJ; I thought that my passive, happy-go-lucky personality could never get so fed-up just by sitting in one place for a while. Unfortunately, I might be wrong. First off, I was able to fit all my stuff in one load except for one pair of jeans. This isn’t too horrible, it’s just one pair of jeans, but it was a start. Also, there is no internet here. I knew this coming in, but now that I’m here it’s more annoying. It’s 2009, can’t you get a little wifi for your customers? The laundromat’s reply: no way jose. Instead they’ve outfitted this place with the following entertainments: a tetris arcade system, some kind of poker arcade system, a football arcade system, a snack machine with a sign that reads “This machine is broken gay”, a gumball machine, a radio station that is currently playing “Delilah” by the White Tees and one man who looks like he is going to rape me.
I think we can all agree none of the above are viable forms of entertainment. I just dumped a bunch of quarters so that my clothes can be cleaned. Am I really going to throw away more to eat a stale gumball or lose a game of tetris? Please. What I might pay a quarter for is an internet connection.
Now here’s a philosophical question for you: when people walk into the laundromat and I look up at them from my funny-box (re: laptop) am I obliged to wave at them? How about nod? The answer: apparently, no. I keep glancing at these customers with a look that says, “Hey, look at us, both doing laundry! Right? Right?” Nobody wants anything to do with me. In fact, my meek smiles are only increasing the number of rape-stares.
It looks like there are only two minutes left in my wash. Which I find hard to believe, because it doesn’t feel like 24 minutes have gone by.
I’m going to sidetrack here to transcribe a conversation currently happening.
“Well, there’s no water on the ground, that’s a good sign.”
“Alright, let’s do what we need to do here”
(The two men “do what they need to do” which is to line up all the laundry carts under the tables in the center of the room)
My wash is done, be right back.
***
Ok, I have a lot more to report:
First, the conversation continued like this:
(Reaching behind a machine)
“I can get this, I can get this.”
“Give it up, forget it.”
“No, I’ve got this dude.”
Now the two (a 40 something man and a teenager, probably father and son) are “fixing” something behind a washer on the other side of the room. If you ever wondered the kind of mind that owns a laundromat, there you go. Oh wow, just heard this gem:
“Just out of curiosity, which thing do I do to turn it off?”
“The thing that it’s next to, to (laughs)”
I’ll keep you posted.
So, I just transferred my shit from washer to dryer. The dryer is really where they get you with the money. $2.25 for a full load of wash? Makes sense, but the dryer costs a quarter per six minutes.
“There’s a little bit of water back here.”
“That could have been from the flood yesterday. It was a big flood. I hate getting a phone call in the middle of the night.”
Like I said, I’ll keep you posted. Anyway, I understand they need to make their money, but why put up the facade that anything can get dried in six minutes. I’m not reheating a grilled cheese here, I need my sopping wet wardrobe to be wearable. Also, they let you choose what temperature you want the dryer to run at: warm, medium or hot. Do people really need to exercise their free-will to this extent? I mean, I’m obviously a novice laundromat man, but is there any reason not to choose hot? “Eh, I’m really enjoying the nostalgia of playing NFL Blitz and this gumball is just too delicious, I’ll put my stuff in on medium.” Needless to say, I’ve got my stuff on hot for a half hour, I’ll check then to see just how hot “hot” is.
“Harrison! Harrison, I just did what I told you not to do!”
(What he told Harrison not to do was let the hose detach from the washer and shoot water everywhere)
I just zoned out for a few minutes and watched these two blokes (who appear to be Harrison and Harrison’s dad) clean up the new water spill. I was also mulling over this intriguing thought: I could probably fit inside one of these dryers. In fact, I definitely could. I wish Harrison and Harrisons’s dad weren’t here so I could try it out. I forgot to bring my snuggles fabric softener, I hope that won’t be a problem…
I think I’m going to do a little homework now, since I’ve written nearly 1,000 words worth of laundromat observations, but I’ll leave you with this.
“Be careful I think there’s still some water over there”
(“Shot through the Heart” by Bon Jovi comes on)
“Oh, this song kicks ass”
Until next time…
02/02/2009
“laundromat (a word that WordPerfect, evidently, considers misspelt unless the “l” is capitalized)”
WordPerfect BLOWS!