SUNY New Paltz, You’re Welcome
Here’s a quick news report from the desk of SmartassRadio news headquarters. The New York Times has recently reported that SUNY New Paltz (the college which I have graduated from and DJ lives near) has seen a tremendous surge in enrollment in recent years. The article wrongly proports that this increase is due to the so-called “shit bucket economy.” Well if that doesn’t scream MARLARKY at you, frankly, I don’t know what will.
I’ll let you in on a little secret: New Paltz is getting more students for one reason and one reason only, and you’re looking at it (I’m referring to our website).
The Key to Increased College Enrollment
The college may be advancing as far as faculty-student ratios, new academic buildings and increased enrollment standards, but I think the real draw of New Paltz is certainly this website. There is not a social group, cool hang-out spot or extracurricular club that at least one member of SAR has not infiltrated. SAR is even more potent than SARS. We are literally a trans-national organization, we have outposts stationed in such places as exotic as Long Island, Philiadelphia and San Jose. Oh, there is also Neil, who has been stationed in Port-au-Prine, Haiti for the past seven months, but he’s been having trouble finding an internet connection.
Let me provide some empirical proof. Take a look at this chart from the New York Times article:
By 2002 New Paltz was in the final stages of decline. The town had tried to gain national attention by marrying two guys, but its efforts were to no avail. Enrollment to New Paltz in the SUNY system had dropped from 9%, to 5%, to 4%. By 2005, it looks like just about 1/8th of 1% of SUNY students were gunning for New Paltz. Who were these 1/8th of 1%? Well, it was DJ, me and some of our friends. All together, about nine people.
Adding the dynamic funtopia of SmartassRadio to this stagnant community was like introducing popcorn to a movie night, more beer to a tapped party or helium to a deflated balloon. It was as if the entire town suddenly took a sip from the fountain of youth while young Neil Young ripped a killer solo.
Just the fact that DJ and I were in the area increased enrollement to around 4% for the next two years. But, as any historian will tell you, SmartassRadio did not become a real venture until last year, 2008. Of course, DJ and I were still friends and still rocking out all the time. We were also still hilarious and more than eager to provide public tomfoolery whenever possible, but we did not yet have a name for our enterprise. Once we branded it, and the website really got motoring (again in 2008) we see the statistics go bonkers. Enrollment rockets to 11% and is predicted as over 12% for this year. I would actually edited the graph to look something like this:
So, we really are changing the world, one percentage point at a time. Most of the credit does go directly to DJ and I, but we should also give some acknowledgement to you, the reader.
Dear Reader,
Thank you for checking out our website. Whether you check it once a month or once an hour, your mouse-clicking is appreciated.
Warm wishes,
Smartassradio
As long as there is an audience, we’ll keep on keeping on: being awesome and perpetually rocking. And should the day come when we realize we’re not funny, interesting or young- then we’ll know we’re unfunny, boring and old. Ah, the circle of life.
[ad]
