Hey there everyone,
I had a lot of fun putting together my last Smartassradio article which dissected the various relationships between Star Wars characters and the Celebrities of today. From what I’ve heard my research was seen as insightful and contributed to the overall betterment of society. That said, who am I to deny further betterment? I suppose I could easier work out another dozen Star Wars comparison (DJ did realize the strong Boba Fett/John Wilkes Booth connection which I so naively overlooked) but I think I’ll try for something fresher, something newer, something our audience (we do appreciate all nine of you) has not seen before. So I’m putting my head out on the chopping block: Here are ten famous figures who are clearly basing their appearance, lifestyles or other mannerisms off of a villain from Batman: The Animated Series.
That’s right folks. Batman: The Animated Series. If you ask me it is the greatest, both artistically and dramatically, in motion Batman portrayal of all time. The movies are good too, mostly (I’ll touch on that later). The old sixties live-action Batman is fun too, just to see the hilarity of Robin pulling “Shark Repellent” from a helicopter and passing it to Batman who literally has a shark gnawing on his ankle forty feet above water (I’m not kidding). Somewhere along the line producers decided that Batman should come across as a sort of farce, more so than other superheros, which really grinds my gears because Batman is the most realistic superhero out there. All he has is martial arts training and gadgets; if I had martial arts training and gadgets I could be Batman! Think about it!
Well, to get to the point, Batman’s impact goes way beyond the silver screen or plasma screen. Yes my friends, it seems to me that the Bat signal has long been shining on the screen of life.
- Peewee Herman and The Joker
Start off easy here; a nice ground ball right between the legs. Peewee Herman always had a villainous air about him didn’t he? Whether he was eating chocolate pudding or masturbating in public there was always something diabolic. At last I’ve found the root of the problem. Peewee Herman is just a perverted version of the already perverse Joker. Get ready for this conspiracy theory: Tim Burton directed the first Batman and directed Peewee’s Big Adventure. Stone cold fact. Peewee is just as slimy and underhanded as the Joker, but instead of striking Gotham’s finest Peewee is creeping me out and riding a scooter. Seriously, he’s creeping me out.
- t.a.T.u and Poison Ivy/ Harley Quinn
Call me a mysogynist all you want, but I’m going to put both female Batman villains in the same comparison and, furthermore, I’m going to compare them to Russian pseudo-lesbians t.a.T.u. To be fair, this comparison would have never come to me had I not seen this picture of Ivy and Quinn online. After checking the wikipedia article on the “band” I’m tempted to just fill this commentary with some of the outrageous facts about the group. They are the most popular international music act ever from Russia. They have written a novel. And, perhaps most surprising, they have an album coming out this year. I think DJ is vying for the interview, so don’t worry. Oh, and both Poison Ivy and Girl #2 have red hair. What more do you want?
- Religious Symbolism and Two-Face
Now I’m cooking with gas. It seems to be incredibly obvious that all religious symbolism is copying the Batman character Two-Face. Do you really need thousand page texts, ancient psalms and farfetched epic stories of heroism to tell you that the world is made up of Good and Evil? Two-Face tells you that and he doesn’t even need to speak. Just look at the guy. One side is a good lookin’ guy. The other side: Oh God he’s a monster! Bam, you are done. He always flips that coin to make decisions. Divine Providence anyone? If you ask me you don’t need the Garden of Eden, Karma and Dharma, Holy Wars or swarms of locust. Show me Two-Face…OK, I’ve got it.
- A Skunked Natural Ice Beer and The Penguin
Stay with me on this one. I dare to say that a Natural Ice Beer (already repellent) that is left in the fridge too long and has gotten all skunked up is just as putrid and vile as the Penguin. Both are cold. Both are shunned by society. Both are of short statue. I assume the list goes on. Still, the Penguin has those hypnosis powers with his umbrella and chances are when the only beer left in the fridge is a skunked Natural Ice, you will still be drawn into popping open that tab and gulping her down.
- The Pan’s Labyrinth Skin Flap Monster and the Scarecrow and Me
I’ll start by saying that the Scarecrow is perhaps my favorite Batman character, the only competition might be the Riddler. So when it came to this comparison I pulled out all the stops. Obviously, the skin flap monster that wreacks momentary terror in Pan’s Labyrinth is right on the money. Both represent fear, both are skinny. Also, this past Halloween I had a lot in common with the Scarecrow, I just took it in a different less-threatening direction.
- Reebok Pumps and Bane
Do I need to explain this on? Pump up shoes and a pump up dude.
- Kanye West and The Riddler
No offense Riddler. When you have no superpower you have to be pretty pompous to say you have a superpower. Especially, when that superpower is having a way with words. You also have to be pretty pompous to say that if the Bible were written today you would certainly be included. Sure, everyone knows Kanye West is a pompous asshole. But, while the Riddler can pull off being a master maneuverer of lexicon, Kanye West falls flat over and over again. Then he tries to make up for it by posing for GQ or stealing songs from Daft Punk. Sorry Kanye, I don’t buy it. Check out some of his verbal trickery: “I’m just trying to say the way school need teachers/ The way Kathie Lee needed Regis that’s the way y’all need Jesus.” Wow, even I’m embarrassed and all I did was copy and paste it. I can’t imagine singing that to a audience that paid money. Anyway, the Riddler has a way with words and can manage his ego. Kanye West…well he can’t.
- Arnold Schwarzenegger and NOT Mr. Freeze
Again I’ll take it in a new direction. Arnold (though he holds a very special place in my heart) has nothing to do with Mr. Freeze. I recently re-watched Batman and Robin, the movie with Poison Ivy and Mr. Freeze teaming up. It was atrocious in every sense of the word. I think that must have been the movie that made me really devoted to the Animated Series over anything else. It is just so hackneyed and over-the-top. Arnold’s Mr. Freeze is just a joke the entire time. I mean look at that picture. He looks like a frozen Hugh Hefner. He’s wearing polar bear slippers. Polar Bear slippers! That is not the Victor Fries I know. Plus he’s smoking a cigar. That just doesn’t add up. I won’t stand for it.
- Perez Hilton and the Mad Hatter
This is one of those comparisons that is based totally on looks. I never really knew this, but Perez Hilton is crazy. I mean he must just truly be a crazy person. Look at that face. He thinks that is a legitimate look? That is the kind of face that would open up in Men in Black to reveal a tiny alien pilot. Also, just as the Mad Hatter utilizes forms of hypnosis, Perez has seemed to drawn all American society into his gossip-soaked clutches. Whenever I succumb to a celebrity gossip site I feel pretty mad myself, but to literally devote my adult life to it? Yep, I’d say that’s crazy.
- John Madden and Clayface
Another classic look-alike match. John Madden has become a vessel of sagging skin and bleu cheese. Clayface, perhaps the worst Batman villain, could change shapes. Madden also morphs himself each year into another, essentially the same, football video game. Does anyone even honestly care about his opinion on football games? I certainly don’t. He’s like a bald barber, naturally untrustable. I’m an English major and just used the made-up word untrustable, but only to illustrate my point. It just boggles my mind that Madden can be so unhealthy and still talk about how to properly play sports. Likewise, Clayface boggles my mind because he is an inconceivable monstrosity.
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