Girl Talk Makes Me Want To Drive Fast and Fuck Hard
How could I possibly follow up a title like that?
I can’t.
5 out of 5 randomly chosen symbols to denote excellence.
Uggh! Fuck Pitchfork! What Are Those Morons Doing Now!
The Beastie Boys have again come up in the headlights of the SmartassRadio locomotive. We just recently posted a live show from long ago where we mocked Pitchforkmedia.com‘s “review” of Paul’s Boutique, an album that came out many moons ago and one which everyone has already agreed is a classic. Still, Pitchfork felt it necessary to add their two cents. As it turns out, the elitists pricks at Pitchfork agreed with everyone else in the world and they gave Paul’s Boutique a 10 out of 10. Woopie! Thanks for that, idiots.
Well, the Beasties have reissued another classic album: “Check Your Head” and, thank goodness, Pitchfork has felt the need to review it. And low and behold they gave the album another 10 out of 10, because it is, of course, a classic. Wait…oh wait…no. THEY GAVE IT A 6.7?!? The first Beastie album I heard, a classic album that I kept in heavy rotation throughout high school, an album that returned the Beasties to Billboard Top 10 status and revolutionized what rap music could do! A 6.7? Really? REALLY?
Pitchfork when we said your idea of reviewing ancient albums was retarded, we meant the entire process. We didn’t mean that giving old albums perfect 10′s is bad. These are obviously perfect 10 albums. Why do you have to ruin everything? I will now review Pitchfork’s review of “Check Your Head.”
What’s the Point of This?
On Friday, Roy told me that Pitchforkmedia.com just gave the Beastie Boys‘ second album, Paul’s Boutique, a 10/10 – something the overly elitist, pompous, horn rimmed glasses with a septum ring wearing hipster douchebag of a website almost never does. Holy fucking shit! You think, 20 years after it’s release, Paul’s Boutique was a perfect album? Way to go, assholes, you came to a conclusion everyone who’s ever listened to the album has come to. Also, you did it in the most obnoxious way possible:
10/10! Brilliant! Especially since we can now see in hindsight its impact on that which eventually succeeded it!
