Here’s a headline you would never click on: Nickelback Dominates Canada’s Juno Awards. Apparently, the Canadian Academy of Recording Arts and Sciences is completely void of anyone possessing taste or self respect. In doing research about the awards (here, here, and here), I have found absolutely no information about how these winners are determined, whether anyone cares, or if this finally means Nickelback will stop.

Really.

By the way, they also induct someone into the Canadian Music Hall of Fame every year. Let me give you an idea of what kind of company you’ll join if you can prove you live in Canada and write a mediocre album once:

• Bob Ezrin: the genius behind KISS’s Music From “The Elder”.
• Bob Rock: another producer named Bob. Also, produced the travesty that was Metallica’s St. Anger.
• Loverboy: “Everybody’s Working for the Weekend”
• Not Bachman-Turner Overdrive: They have to be the third most famous classic rock band from the land of Rush (inducted in 1994… 16 years after the Hall started) and The Guess Who (inducted in 1987… 7 years before Rush, easily the most deserving of any Canadian band).
• No One: That’s who was inducted in 1988.

Instead of really looking into these silly little awards, I’ll just make up a meeting held by the C.A.R.A.S., because I like doing that.

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