I participated in an Egg Hunt today (not that kind of egg hunt unfortunately) and was very dissatisfied when I found that I had only come away with 14 pounds of jelly beans. I put a lot of elbows into a lot of children’s faces to get those eggs, I was expecting much better loot. There are millions of things that can fit inside the space of a tiny plastic egg. Here are 69 alternatives:

1- A winning raffle ticket
2- A condom
3- A business card for a good masseuse
4- A skittle
5- A piece of hockey puck
6- A lucky penny
7- A stegosaurus sticker
8- A mosquito stuck in sap containing stegosaurus DNA
9- A newfound faith in the resurrected Christ
10- A drum key

The remaining fifty-nine possibilities after the jump…

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This winter to get a supplemental income (aside from this cash-factory) I decided to be a Girl’s Winter Track Coach. Of course, Middle School Girls Track teams have to be talked to a certain way. You can’t talk to them like regular people. You can’t directly threaten them or make comments about their physical appearance. My job is to motivate the young ladies; I keep my comments to myself. Here’s a look at how it usually goes down when I cheer on our best mile runner (eight indoor laps).

One of the Ladies I Coach

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