Due to my strong personal convictions, I wish to stress that that this film in no way endorses a belief in unattractive obese men wearing glasses.

Salutations fellow smartasses. Uncle Chachi has returned with big news. Michael Jackson’s Thriller is set hit the Broadway stage. Sound like a good idea? Wait just a jail-dancing, moon-walking, kid-humping second. The Cha Cha Cha has a few suggestions on how we can make sure that the producers of this musical don’t disappoint and accidentally turn a cinematic masterpiece into Mamma Mia II.

Fucking horrifying.

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Dear Universal Studios,

Hello. First of all, I’m a huge fan. I just had a quick suggestion, concerning your Jurassic Park franchise. It seems like you guys were fine with just wrapping that up as a trilogy. I mean you could do that, but why not just pull a “Star Wars” and go for the saga? I know it’s hard to think of movie ideas. I know. But, TA-DA, I solved that problem for you! Here are three guaranteed oscar-worthy Jurassic Park ideas. Feel free to use them, no charge. Seeing these cinematic masterpieces come to fruition would be enough of a reward.

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