Hello internet world, its me, your American Hero with another movie review. This time I’m soder and ready to rip the shizzle out of one of the worst movies of all-time. So hold onto your keyboards as I go off on this terrible movie.

So I get to the theatre a little outside San Jose to see The Knowing. I knew very little about the movie except that it was about the end of the world and one of my favorite actors, Nicolas Cage, was in it. So I was pretty amped up for this movie and ready for Nicky boi to put an end to the end of the world. So after buying my ticket at the great price of 4.50!…unheard of in San Jose…I got some popcorn and a little so-derrr pop and headed into the theatre.

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I participated in an Egg Hunt today (not that kind of egg hunt unfortunately) and was very dissatisfied when I found that I had only come away with 14 pounds of jelly beans. I put a lot of elbows into a lot of children’s faces to get those eggs, I was expecting much better loot. There are millions of things that can fit inside the space of a tiny plastic egg. Here are 69 alternatives:

1- A winning raffle ticket
2- A condom
3- A business card for a good masseuse
4- A skittle
5- A piece of hockey puck
6- A lucky penny
7- A stegosaurus sticker
8- A mosquito stuck in sap containing stegosaurus DNA
9- A newfound faith in the resurrected Christ
10- A drum key

The remaining fifty-nine possibilities after the jump…

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