I’ve been hanging out with Regis Philbin a lot recently and he has been chatting my ear off incessantly over his favorite college football team the “Notre Dame Fighting Irish.” I happen to be a pretty Irish fellow (50%), and if you need more proof than just genetics consider this: last St. Patrick’s Day I watched a parade in Cork, Ireland, got drunk off Guinness, saw old men with brogues play jigs with fiddles and woke the next morning to kiss the Blarney Stone. I’m sure I ate a potato and got in a enormous brawl somewhere in the middle of that too, so rest assured that I am familiar with Irish stereotypes. But you know who isn’t familiar with mass generalizations? Theodore W. Drake, designer of Notre Dame’s Fighting Irish Leprechaun Mascot.

Who is this schmuck?

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Greetings citizen, yesterday DJ, our friend (but not blog-writer) Luke and I went on one of our weekly hikes and boy-howdy was it a good one. What set this particular hike apart was that I learned a new skill: the ability to track. As of now, I am a bonafide tracker. I can track most anything. You name it, I’ll track it. I’m a regular trackster. But, before I start getting into all the technical mumbo-jumbo, let me start with a definition (most critically acclaimed essays begin by stating a definition directly borrowed from Wikipedia).

Tracking, in hunting and ecology, is the science and art of observing a place through animal footprints and other signs, including: tracks, beds, chews, scat, hair, etc. Specifically, mapping a changing landscape and soaking up sensory data like a sponge.

Wow, exciting right? Let me explain some of the ways I’ve already begun tracking in my everyday life.

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Anyone who knows me knows that I do not settle for anything less than the absolute best. I won’t eat re-heated pizza, I only wear black socks and I would never co-host a radio show unless I knew that my fellow host was an individual of exemplary moral fortitude. Of course, the same goes for my choice in female companions. This is how I envision my dream girl…

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[Another genius concept from the Smartass Radio crew. A lot of people don’t realize that our newest contributor, Chachi Ramirez is not only proficient in Spanish and avoiding getting shot on the mean streets of Philly, but he’s also a history buff. In this new recurring series, he’ll let us in on some of history's biggest secrets and shed light on little known facts about a few of the biggest events ever to take place. This week, we get quick peek into the motivation behind the attack on Pearl Harbor. - DJ]

The Prime Minister of Japan

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This is kind of an odd podcast… an oddcast? Me and Roy just basically turned the mics on and went to town. Usually we prepare for 5-10 minutes before we do that…

Next week we’ll be in New Paltz so I’m sure we’ll have a whole lot more time (and booze) on our hands. Subsequently, the quality of these podcasts should dramatically increase.