Dear Billy Corgan,
Let me just start by saying that bald is (and has always been) the new pony tail. It’s a killer look, especially for you. So I hear you’re looking for a new drummer. Must be tough! Well how about some good news Mr. Melancholy? I’m not going to ask you to step off your high horse and extend the equestrian invitation to join your band. This is me swallowing, no, choking down my pride, to tender your offer to be the newest drummer of the Smashing Pumpkins! And I can shout with the utmost of confidence that today is in fact the greatest day, you and I have ever known.