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I thought Kim Kardashian was just a gorgeous, mindless, single slut- but I was totally wrong: she is not single. Apparently, she has been dating Reggie Bush, who was also, apparently, carved from ivory ebony. For the past few years I thought Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie were the best looking couple possible. WRONG. Take a look at these two people who are of solely physical worth:
Let me state that following a Static X post with post about Predator X is like following the Jonas Brothers with Pantera. That being said, don’t judge Predator X before you read this. – DJ
Fuckin’ a – how come only news sources (and tabloids) ending in .co.uk bring us anything usefull to read while NYT.com and online.wsj.com/home-page (that url makes me sick) just keep cramming economic jargon down our throats in vain attempts at educating the masses (read: “making the masses feel like dumb assholes”). This week during my travels through the jollier section of the Internet, I came across this kickass piece of news.
Is that a T-Rex with flippers? No. It’s worse.
The Internet is a many splendored thing. If I were to try to hunt down a video of a woman doin’ it in an ET costume (link NSFW and probably not safe for 99% of the population – you’ve been warned), it would take literally hours in the real world. If I wanted to know the complete history of hampsterdance.com I would probably have to track down the original owners/operators of the site. If, say, I wanted to hear the ramblings of two boring, under-produced and over-hyped metal nerds, I would actually have to sit around at my nearest Gibson dealer – a fate worse than castration. And, of course if I wanted to see Val Kilmer in 2008, I would have had to actually find him way back then. Luckily for me, none of those scenarios ever has to happen thanks to the Internet.
Here’s a quick news report from the desk of SmartassRadio news headquarters. The New York Times has recently reported that SUNY New Paltz (the college which I have graduated from and DJ lives near) has seen a tremendous surge in enrollment in recent years. The article wrongly proports that this increase is due to the so-called “shit bucket economy.” Well if that doesn’t scream MARLARKY at you, frankly, I don’t know what will.
I’ll let you in on a little secret: New Paltz is getting more students for one reason and one reason only, and you’re looking at it (I’m referring to our website).
The Key to Increased College Enrollment
Hello everyone, or shall I say Bonjour? Why shalt I say Bonjour? Well, I’m on a bit of an overseas adventure right now. No, I’m not overseas, but I am out of my apartment. I just trekked the icy parking lot to my next door laundromat (a word that WordPerfect, evidently, considers misspelt unless the “l” is capitalized). You might remember DJ’s recent post which he composed at this very same establishment. DJ apparently gets very irritable whilst in the laundromat and his “ruminations” ended up being an on-point rant about John Tesh (who, I agree, stinks). What will the laundromat have me come up with as far as blog posts? Well, lets see:
It seems the easiest to read, funniest posts on this shit stain of a website are lists. We really strive to be creative and interesting, but sometimes these things just fall flat on their faces. Take, for instance Things I Am Better at Than Roy Verspoor by Patty. Yikes. If we can, we like to avoid train wrecks like that. Sometimes, though, the concepts for lists are funnier than the list itself, and therefore worth presenting to everyone on planet earth with unrestricted Internet access (sorry, China). Here are nine that I personally thought would rule, but instead just drool.
I haven’t been to the gym in months, its awful. I can slip my entire arm through most keyholes and I break a sweat when I accelerate my car. When school is in session DJ and I try to stick with a fairly regimented work out schedule, pumping iron a minimum of three days a week. Unfortunately, we kind of slipped off our schedule…back in November. I have since found a supplemental exercise program, but in many ways its falls short. That program is Wii Fit. It is easy to use, I like the look of my Mii character and I can finally wear what I want (spandex) to the gym. I’ve been able to push aside the program’s shortcomings (ie: lack of results),until now. I’ve recently come to suspect my Wii Fit instructor is a gay.
Leslie, my instructor.
