There is a ton of evidence stacking up against me and it’s high time I acknowledge it. I’m becoming a piece of white trash human garbage. In the four years since I’ve left High School, I have absolutely let the semi-freedom of college destroy me as a person. While, I’m very comfortable with the latest incarnation of me, I think it’s important to look back at where I came from.

Here’s the earliest picture of me on Facebook:

Look at this sweet boy with his girlfriend enjoying a delicious lollipop after a day at the mall. Oh, look he has a Metallica cap on. You bought it where? Hot Topic? Precious.

I dare you to follow the jump and keep reading.

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Hello everyone, or shall I say Bonjour? Why shalt I say Bonjour? Well, I’m on a bit of an overseas adventure right now. No, I’m not overseas, but I am out of my apartment. I just trekked the icy parking lot to my next door laundromat (a word that WordPerfect, evidently, considers misspelt unless the “l” is capitalized). You might remember DJ’s recent post which he composed at this very same establishment. DJ apparently gets very irritable whilst in the laundromat and his “ruminations” ended up being an on-point rant about John Tesh (who, I agree, stinks). What will the laundromat have me come up with as far as blog posts? Well, lets see:

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I’m very angry about the fact I have to pay to wash my clothes. It’s an expense I do NOT need and the laundromat is only three steps away from “in front of a gun operated by John Rambo” on my list of places I never want to be. So, I decided if I was going to be a miserable douche for an hour I would write while I did it. Capturing for the world and, more importantly, myself the thoughts of a self-important lunatic.

I fucking HATE the John Tesh radio show. I don’t know or care if this shitbag is in syndication because he blows so hard and I’ve had to endure his show so often that I think everyone should hear what I have to say, regardless of whether you can tune into him in your hometown. (I just did some quick research – according to Wikipedia, he’s on 360 stations AND 250 stations.) Also he looks like a pedophile Greg Hughes, the actor who plays Opie on the Opie and Anthony Show.

Guess which one is my hero.

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No duo has been in the business of being taken for granted longer than the washer and dryer. I recently moved into a new place in South Philadelphia to find Hasidicly low rent, a spacious kitchen area, and even a private back porch (where I and mayor Nutter privately discuss strategies on the conquering of New Jersey). Sounds great right? The fragrant peaks of Sock Mountain beg to differ. So here it is, without further ado, the everyman’s guide to winter laundry.

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