So, the first African American President of the Harvard Law Review caused quite a stir the other day. What the fuck was this asshat thinking? You don’t fly a 747 over a city which had its two biggest towers destroyed by passenger planes just seven and a half years ago. Apparently, Air Force One was out of commission and government officials needed to take pics of lower Manhattan. The plane was escorted by a pair of F-16s. The question isn’t why Barack Obama needed to be there instead of just letting the F-16s do all the work and not upset idiots in the city. No, the question here is do the British actually use the word “areoplane” over airplane?

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Hello everyone. Many people, particularly those who live nearby water, have heard of an animal called the osprey. You may have even been lucky enough to have seen one of these birds of prey in action. Osprey’s are very cool and they are certainly a species that everyone could use more information on. To help inform the masses on these exciting animals I’ve decided to write this post. This is “In The Know” with Roy and this week’s topic is ospreys.

An osprey in a diving position.

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This past weekend my good friend Luke sent me a wake up call, asking if I would like to go with him to a sweet lodge. I thought to myself, “Yikes, this is going to severely interfere with my Saturday afternoon calisthenics routine down by the sound,” but then I thought “Aw heck, I’ll go anyway. After all, this sweet lodge sounds pretty sweet.” Twenty minutes and an orange later, I was in Luke’s hotrod, on my way to the sweet lodge. Little did I know, I was in for one of the sweatiest days of my life.

Why was my day sweat-drenched? It all comes down to a simple mis-communication. I thought that Luke, who has a very strong and noticeable Staten Island accent, said SWEET lodge, but in reality he had said SWEAT lodge. Though the difference here is only one letter (that letter being A) the implications are significant. What did I expect? I imagined a lovely gingerbread house, with candy cane gutters, a twizzler garden hose and a gumball compost pile out back. I pictured a nice little candy lodge, something straight out of Hansel and Gretel. Well, the experience was like Hansel and Gretel…in the sense that I felt trapped in an oven for two hours.

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Our Senior-Paleontology Expert Dan Scully recently painted a fairly spine-tingling portrait of the latest prehistoric fiend: Predator X (re: turtleshark). I have been a big dinosaur fan ever since my youth and, like many others, I have always found T-Rex to be a pretty stellar example of what Darwinism was capable of. Still, I am not one of those dinoholics who refuse to take T-Rex off his pearly pedestal. I admit there are carnivores much more vicious and gargantuan (look no further than our senior-paleontology expert Dan “Skull-Crusher” Scully). However, one dinosaur that certainly won’t be usurping anyone, except maybe the giant squid and Nessy, is Predator X. Why? Because he’s a sea monster and sea monsters are only scary to avid swimmers and pussies (often the same people).

As Jurassic Park III showed us there are already more ferocious dinosaurs than the Rex.

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The Internet is a many splendored thing. If I were to try to hunt down a video of a woman doin’ it in an ET costume (link NSFW and probably not safe for 99% of the population – you’ve been warned), it would take literally hours in the real world. If I wanted to know the complete history of hampsterdance.com I would probably have to track down the original owners/operators of the site. If, say, I wanted to hear the ramblings of two boring, under-produced and over-hyped metal nerds, I would actually have to sit around at my nearest Gibson dealer – a fate worse than castration. And, of course if I wanted to see Val Kilmer in 2008, I would have had to actually find him way back then. Luckily for me, none of those scenarios ever has to happen thanks to the Internet.

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DJ just told me about this guy, Josh Freese. He’s releasing an album and has set up different tiers of purchasing deals. The cheapest and most basic level gets you a digital copy of the album for $7.  The prices and prizes increase from there, until the $75,000 level where you get Mr. Freese as a personal assistant for a couple weeks, an EP written about your life, the chance to take shrooms and cruise Hollywood and much more. I thought to myself, “I should do the same stuff. I have things people might want, don’t I?” I don’t have too much to offer up, but why not offer it up all the same:

Let the games begin!

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Let’s consider the layout of letters on a computer keyboard. Why not alphabetical? I’ll tell you why: because the alphabet isn’t that fun. You know what is fun? The word: QWERTY. Type it out and any drab office turns into a Slip n’ Slide fiasco! Am I writing or stealing home base? I don’t know! Not to mention how fun QWERTY is to pronounce, a ‘Q’, ‘W’ and ‘Y’? Someone call Dr.Seuss, we’ve got a perfect storm of wackiness! The only problem is QWERTY isn’t so much a word as a classification of keyboards.

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