This winter to get a supplemental income (aside from this cash-factory) I decided to be a Girl’s Winter Track Coach. Of course, Middle School Girls Track teams have to be talked to a certain way. You can’t talk to them like regular people. You can’t directly threaten them or make comments about their physical appearance. My job is to motivate the young ladies; I keep my comments to myself. Here’s a look at how it usually goes down when I cheer on our best mile runner (eight indoor laps).

One of the Ladies I Coach

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[This is a first here on Smartass Radio - a guest blog. This is by author R.A. Riekki who is America's first real metal novelist. His debut novel, U.P.,is available from Ghost Road Press.The book is an insane romp through Michigan's Upper Peninsula. If you're sick of Chuck Palahniuk, or if you like metal, rap or punk, or if you have cerebral palsy, or if you grew up in the shitty part of town, or if you just like to read really good, original novels, this is probably the book you've been waiting a long time for. Go buy it. Now. - DJ]

I can understand why DJ asked me to do a top five metal list, he’d just read my novel U.P., which features a character who is a huge metalhead.  And Ghost Road is offering me a four book deal in which in 2010 Ghost Road will release my novella A Portrait of the Artist as a Boogey Man, about a schizophrenic John Denver/Slayer fan, which will then be followed by two more books (I Hate It Here and Hunger and the Ass) in 2011 and 2012 in which metal is referenced throughout.  But, still, when DJ asked me to do a top five list of metal albums from 1989, I initially got a bit nervous.  How do you narrow down to five?  On my web site, I started listing my top ten favorite artists I’m listening to right now and I haven’t been able to stop.  I’m over a hundred already.  And it’s a huge list–everything from Kerli‘s “Walking on Air” to At the Drive-in‘s “One Armed Scissor” to Lyle Lovett‘s “North Dakota” to The Fast Computers “Gravitylove.“  I just love music.  Always have.  Intensely.  I don’t fully know why.  I just do.

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Ok I’m sure everyone and their senile grandmother knows about this story: Jdimytai Damour, a temp employee of Wal-Mart was trampled to death on black friday by an angry mob of Long Island douchebags. That is old news. However, this story brings to light some more facts I was peviously unaware of.

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GWAR are the ultimate kings, and Dave Brockie (Oderus Urungus) is king of the kings. At Smartass Radio, we GWARship the ground that he rapes, pillages, and blows wads on. The opportunity to catch up with Dave before the much anticipated “Electile Dysfunction Tour” was coveted by each and every brohab in our office. Now that the tour is winding down, let’s see how the goddamn interview holds up…

What the fuck is Dave Brockie doing in an office?

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Roy and I interviewed Corey Beaulieu of Trivium on Wed. Rocktober 1st. He’s a super cool guy and I feel bad about waking him up at 5 in the afternoon. The band’s new album Shogun just came out on Sept 30 and it fucking rocks. We talked about the initial response to the album, his new signature Dean guitar and how well the band is carrying the torch of hard partying metal acts.

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For a guy who’s driving, Matt Byrne makes a hell of an interviewee. This guy is an animal player and in this interview we talk about the new Hatebreed DVD, Live Dominance, his upcoming instructional DVD and the nuances of Zac Hanson’s drumming. Enjoy!

Special thanks to Skydzo on this one… he basically made it happen. Thanks bro!

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For those of you who have been with us from the beginning you might be shocked that we’ve redesigned the site again.

This time it’s basically for good. We’ve switched from doing everything manually to a WordPress format. The hand-coding for updates was too insane and this new format allows for better, more centralized content management as well as quicker browsing for YOU.

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