Categories: How-To Posted on January 7, 2010 By: Roy
Hello everyone, happy two thousand and fucking ten. In case you didn’t get the MEMO let me give you the low down on what two thousand and fucking ten is all about: A) Never Giving Up, B) Keeping it Lively, C) Bringing Your A-Game and D) DJ Is Going To Write An Album.
With those pointers in mind, let me now let you in on what this blog post is going to be all about. In this blog post, my first of two thousand and fucking ten, I am going to: 1) Refute Some Ongoing Rumors About My Identity, 2) Convince You To Never Give Up, 3) Illustrate How You Can Best Keep It Lively, 4) Explain What Bringing Your A-Game Is All About and 5) Inform You on How To Write and Record an Album Through Eleven Difficult Steps.
And BREAK!
That’s what people say in football once they have highlighted the main points of their next move and are now ready to execute the plan, right?
Categories: Lists Posted on January 6, 2010 By: DJ
4 Things I Want To Do By 2011
Apparently New Year’s Eve has come and gone. From all accounts I was in New Paltz for two nights celebrating, but there is absolutely no way I could confirm or deny those statements. My calendar, on the other hand, is about as reliable as any other calendar and it tells me we’re now in the year 2010, which is pretty sweet. Only a few more years till hoverboards, Mastodon is probably gearing up to write another album which will leave my brains all over Roy’s walls, and from what I can gather, we still have two whole years before the planet implodes.
So, I felt it was appropriate to wait until about a week in to make my resolutions. I decided to whittle down the thousands and thousands of character flaws and gimmicks which have been holding me back from achieving massive amounts of success, fame and fortune and focus on five key things I want to be able to accomplish by the end of this year. Let’s get started!
1. I want to be able to play the ukulele better then this kid:
I’ve been putting some serious hours in on the ole’ six string recently, but if I’m going to complete resolution 2, I need to sharpen my uke skillz. This kid has the right idea – just sittin’ around laughin’ and bustin’ out some chords and singing whatever he’s singing. If you double click and read the info, apparently he slipped a “Surfin’ USA” in there somewhere. That’s what ukulele is all about.
2. I want to record an album at least as labor intensive as The Wolf by Andrew W.K.
I was just alerted this morning that every track on Andrew W.K.’s incredibly underrated second album, The Wolf, has between 90 and 200 tracks all recorded by Andrew W.K. That is fucking impressive. Can I write the anthems of a generation as poignantly as Mr. W.K.? Probably not. But can I throw a bunch of shit at the wall and see what sticks? Definitely. Then can I take said sticky shit and overwork it like an even more obsessive Axl Rose? Absolutely.
3. I don’t want to look like this at any point in 2010:
Unless Ralph Macchio just thrashed me in a tournament, there is no reason I should be asleep at a party. Especially if I went so far out of my way to dress up and look presentable. If I were smoking bongs at Roy’s place all night, it’s one thing. But to show up to a kegger dressed to the nine’s just to fall asleep – that’s simply unjustifiable.
4. I want to somehow be able to make whoever accidentally lands on this site a) actually want to read some of the bullshit on it and b) get the jokes.
A lot of people visit the site via random Google Image searches. That rocks. The problem is that once they right click and save their image as (I know Mac users, a two buttoned mouse is so 1998, AMIRITE? Trendy douchebags.). Where was I? These parenthetical asides always knock me for a loop – maybe my fifth resolution should be to make them shorter and funnier. Oh right, no one visits the site or seems to get the jokes. Well I honestly don’t see how I can change either of those things, so let me link you to two comments from 2009 that really really missed the boat. Numer 1. Number 2.
Chachi is sick and tired of your bullshit resolutions. Specifically, he’s sick and tired of (and shockingly angry about) these 5 which seem to top everyone’s lists.
