Hello internet world, its me, your American Hero with another movie review. This time I’m soder and ready to rip the shizzle out of one of the worst movies of all-time. So hold onto your keyboards as I go off on this terrible movie.

So I get to the theatre a little outside San Jose to see The Knowing. I knew very little about the movie except that it was about the end of the world and one of my favorite actors, Nicolas Cage, was in it. So I was pretty amped up for this movie and ready for Nicky boi to put an end to the end of the world. So after buying my ticket at the great price of 4.50!…unheard of in San Jose…I got some popcorn and a little so-derrr pop and headed into the theatre.

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I like to have a good time! If you can’t stomach that fact, then it’s high time you got on out of here, because that, my friend, is an unquestionable truth. I like to have a good time. DJ likes to have a good time. Peter Paul Marsh III (American Hero) loves to have a good time. Of course, Chachi likes having a good time. Frank can have a good time. Even Patty, that old, puritanical, straight-laced lesbo, likes to have a good time sometimes. Everyone here at SmartassRadio likes to have a good time. Essentially, having a good time is what we’re all about.

When you’re having a good time you don’t want to be making decisions. And if you do need to make a decision, you want to make it fast. Still, sometimes making a decision can be difficult. Especially, when that decision involves the good time you are about to have.

Imagine the scenario: You’re standing in your kitchen getting ready to party. You are just on the brink of it, and you can smell the good times ahead. Then two of your best buddies walk in. One says: “Yo man, you ready to go bananas?” and the next says, “Hey bro, you want to go hog wild?”  What are you going to choose?

Filbert doesn’t do either.

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As everyone should know, Charles Barkley was arrested for DUI on New Year’s Eve while on his way to an “amorous encounter” (woah! that sounds hot and heavy!). What information what not made readily available (at least not to this member of the celeb-driven blogosphere) was the fact that Sir Charles was leaving a party where he was joined by Michael Strahan and Jaleel White. It should come as no surprise that Jaleel finds himself in the spotlight after years of dormancy, I had, in fact, made a passing reference to Steve Urkel in my last scientific report. With all due respect, Mr. Colbert, you haven’t the slightest clue as to what it means to give people a cultural “bump”. But I digress, what follows is a word for word account of the conversation Jaleel White had with Charles “Not Gnarls” Barkley.

Clearly, this guy knows a thing or two about being responsible while you party.

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No one has mastered the art of partying like Andrew W.K. For those who are unaware, he’s just released a compilation of his monthly advice column in Japan, has been featured in the January ’09 Esquire and is basically my new messiah. For those who haven’t had the pleasure, an Andrew W.K. party is truly a religious experience. Click here for tour dates.

What follows is our chat before the show, a photo gallery of winnebago/live shots and a full transcription of the interview (yeah, we’re starting to actually do some work around here). Enjoy!

Click here for .mp3

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If the picture browser is taking too long and you’re dying to see the rest click here for a raw gallery.

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The transcription is after the jump!

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Researchers have somehow proven that women who drink, even moderately, have a reduced ability to recognize attractiveness in males. Specifically, it affects their ability to recognize facial symmetry, which supposedly has something to do with attractiveness. To this I politely say, “ohhhh fooey.” It is my experience that women are completely and utterly batshit insane, and there is absolutely no accounting for their taste. So, as a learn-ed man of science and reason, I decided to conduct my own research. I would ask all the girls who wanted to participate to rank five men and give me a quick reason why each is where he is on their list.

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Really, the only way I plan on graduating a semester late is if I get an internship at a particularly prestigious radio gig. With that in mind, this is all conjecture.

There are certainly a few things in my life that will change when I realize I have to spend another semester in the sleepy town of New Paltz, NY for another 4 months. Surely I’ll be a little jaded and probably a bit sick of drinking my face off every weekend and trying to meet freshman girls I’ll never see naked. Plus, getting financially cut off from my parents would probably suck.

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