[About a month ago I removed Patty from our "About" page. About two days ago, she noticed and got in a tizzy demanding that she be put back on it. I have a feeling she misses all the "creepy" dudes finding her on Facebook and sending her lewd emails. But that's besides the point; clearly, she doesn't deserve to be there. I told her that if she started contributing, I might put her back on. In a fit of rage, she cranked out this gem of a piece and demanded we do a podcast on Long Island. Both ended up being equally genius. And so, Patty is now included on the "About" once again. -DJ]

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This winter to get a supplemental income (aside from this cash-factory) I decided to be a Girl’s Winter Track Coach. Of course, Middle School Girls Track teams have to be talked to a certain way. You can’t talk to them like regular people. You can’t directly threaten them or make comments about their physical appearance. My job is to motivate the young ladies; I keep my comments to myself. Here’s a look at how it usually goes down when I cheer on our best mile runner (eight indoor laps).

One of the Ladies I Coach

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