Smartass Radio | Weekly Podcast | Daily Blog |
Every week, one of us picks an album and all four of us has to review it. It’s not necessarily a new release, just something that one of us is into. This week we’re reviewing “Snakehouse” by The Cliks.
Here’s the album art and track listing (links are to youtube videos of songs):
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Check out the reviews after the jump…
I’ve found that making up systems is pretty easy. It must be one of those human impulses, to find a sense of logic in everything. Of course none of it is true. I don’t really buy into many systems of thought used to explain human emotions. For example, maybe you’ve heard of psychological term “displacement,” which is an unconscious defense mechanism whereby the mind redirects affects from an object felt to be dangerous or unacceptable to an object felt to be safe or acceptable. So, when your Mom loses her job she comes home and beats your Dad. OK, I guess we can use a term to describe that emotional reaction- but I’m always a little wary of these things. The same goes for dream interpretation. Yes, I think dreams can tell you things, but sometimes people can be too quick to apply a simple system of logic to the infinitely more complicated processes of the psyche.
Having said that, here’s a system I’ve developed (in about 4 minutes) to describe the intricacies of love (feel free to comment on the variety of flaws and over all under-development in the comments). I’m calling it the F.A.I.L-S.A.F.E system of romantic development. Let me explain:
The system is divided into two parts. The first, F.A.I.L., outlines what I imagine to be the ideal person to start a relationship with and then explains why this person cannot exist. The second, S.A.F.E, offers a more realistic set of qualities to pursue in the opposite (or same) sex.
Hey everyone, I got reminded tonight that I don’t agree with opinions you find on the website pitchfork media, which I will not link to. What happened was I had just finished reading DJ’s most recent post, which I have no problem linking to, and I clicked the link at the bottom. It brought me here. From there I went here. Both those links provide the general sentiment of our staff toward those…those…I don’t even have a word for what they are. I will settle for dickforks.
Anyway, tomorrow (today for you) is pretty much Pitchfork’s Christmas: the one day they can express their criticisms on the entire year. Yep, it’s Pitchfork’s release of their 20 Top Albums of 2010. Notice the difference in rhetoric employed in my title versus theirs. Top of what? You own list? Let me check the definition of “top” as an adjective. OK, they probably mean this one: foremost, chief, or principal. Those guys are so obsessed with their own opinions of themselves. Whatever, this isn’t about them; this is about me.
I plan on drinking tonight by the way. It’s a Thursday night- the only reason I’m doing this is that Pitchfork’s silly numbering shit comes out tomorrow and I want my opinion out first. Also I want to predict what Pitchfork’s list will be and see if I’m close. I think it will probably look like this:
10) No Age, 9) Ariel Pink, 8 ) Robyn, 7) Deerhunter, 6) Big Boi, 5) Joanna Newsom, 4) Arcade Fire, 3) LCD Soundsystem, 2) Beach House,1) Kanye West
Since Smartass Radio originally started as a vehicle to take me backstage at shows for free, it makes sense that we turn our attention to music every once in a while. And seeing as regular reviews kinda suck and only give you one person’s opinion on a particular piece of music, we decided it would be good if we chose an album every week and everyone had to review it. These aren’t going to necessarily be new releases, just something that one of us decided all four of us should listen to.
This week someone chose Steeple, Wolf People’s second record this year. Go illegally download the album (you were going to anyway) and listen to it while we force feed you our opinions.
Read more »
Well after much debate, I have decided that, ultimately, my posts are better written in regular ink. These past few months, following the advice of friends, I experimented with writing in invisible ink. The obvious benefits being, a) hey, it saves money and 2) it’s easy on the hand. The drawback: eye straining. Hold on, Charlie’s calling me…
Hey Charlie, how’s it going you douche?
Haha, yeah, I hear THAT.
No, no, I’m ME. That was just something Ricky was spouting. But, yeah, everything’s good here.
No dude, I’m actually writing a blog post right now.
Yeah, SmartassRadio.
Yeah.
Yeah.
No, it’s just music blogs now, but, yeah, Rihanna’s fine.
Well that’s because I stopped writing them for months. I don’t think I’ve written since September or something.
No, I just told everyone I had been using invisible ink, it’s fine.
No, it worked, they bought it.
Charlie, they bought it, OK?
Dude, I don’t know why you’re trying to argue this with me. I told everyone I had been writing with invisible ink. That explains the hiatus.
How should I know how that’s possible? It’s just some digital invisible ink.
Yes, I know there are no lemons.
Yes.
Yes.
I know.
Thank you Charlie, I understand the situation.
Listen you douche I have to go.
It’s going to be about Kanye fucking West, happy?
Kanye West. The rapper.
No, it’s not about “the Taylor Swift shit,” no one is still talking about “the Taylor Swift shit”?
No, they’re not Charlie.
Charlie, you moron, if anyone is still making jokes about Kanye West yelling at Taylor Swift they are fucking out of the loop.
What loop? You really are dumb Charlie. The metaphoric loop of high society.
Yes.
No, I speak in metaphors all the time.
I do.
Yeah, I’m a rocket science at it.
I know that was the joke.
Anyway, I have to go.
No, I can’t.
OK, you have two seconds.
That was like seven minutes Charlie, I said two seconds.
No, I understand point though. It is a sick album.
This week I’ve been listening to this new album. It’s a collaboration between The Black Keys and all these different rappers called Blakroc.
Like Mos Def, Jim Jones, RZA. Ludacris is actually on the first track.
It’s funny, but the track kind of sucks.
No, the rest of the album is really good. I liked it.
So, yeah, that. I think me and my friend Felix are actually going to review it later. So that will probably get up on the site.
Other than that? The new Animal Collective EP is really good, but I wouldn’t really review that for the site.
I don’t know, it’s just not something I would do.
I don’t know, I don’t really want to write an actual review of an album I think is great.
Well the Blakroc thing is going to be fun and funny too. I don’t usually write seriously for the site.
More like joke stuff.
Yeah, they’re like half-music, half-joke blogs usually.
I actually haven’t come up with the jokes for this Kanye shit, I will though.
No, that’s it. I’m going to write it now. Good-bye.
Bye Charlie.
Hey everyone, sorry about that. That was my friend Charlie. He just wanted to know what time I’m going to Courtney’s. Well here’s the answer: never, because Courtney has swine flu and I don’t need to deal with that shit.
Anyway, on a completely unrelated note, I know there have been some rumors about me. Particularly, a set of rumors being circulated by one Mr. Rick Pachachsky. I don’t want to give this issue anymore “air time” than it deserves, which is frankly zero, but let me just wrap up this paragraph by saying, once and for all, I am not a paid actor playing the role of “Roy.” I am just one person. There is not some “idea” of “Roy” that different actors have been playing since 2001. I am not an experimental performance piece. I am just a single individual.
On a second completely unrelated note that has been brought to my attention in a very similar way, I know there have been some rumors about me. Particularly, a set of rumors that I began circulating last Valentine’s Day. I don’t want to give this “issue” anymore air time than it “deserves,” but let me just say: Yes, Rihanna and I are doing fine.
OK, now that we have taken care of that housekeeping, so to speak, let me get down to business: As you undoubtedly glanced by from the title of this music article, I will be discussing some new leaked inside information about Kanye West’s upcoming album. This information, for a series of complicated reasons, is very exclusive and I would imagine this is the only news source that has the dubious scoop:
Kanye’s next album, “Lust,” will contain eleven new tracks and comes out December 25th.
Pretty interesting information. Personally, I’m excited to learn more about this project. Particularly, I would like to know if anyone could possibly verify those facts for me? Let me also take this time to emphasize an important, but completely unrelated point, I am not a music journalist. So, this new Kanye album is going to be awesome.
After leaving the job that actually pays for this site to exist last Thursday, I headed directly to Sayreville, NJ. When I parked my car I noticed two things: a dude with a mullet playing football with a dude wearing a leather vest and a massive pickup truck spray painted black and white camo. I had accidentally set the clock in my DeLorean to 1988. No biggie, though – I always pack extra plutonium. When the locals were finished asking me about the weird clothes I was wearing (a plastic bag and a massive sombrero) and the strange music I was listening to (Lady GaGa), the primative natives showed me the way to the nearest place of worship. It just so happened that at Starland Ballroom, guest reverend Nuno Bettencourt would be performing exorcisms and fretboard masturbation for all in a spectacular display of oxymoronicism.
So with the swagger of a pre-cancer Swayze, I made my way in to the venue. I made it just in time, too. I got a spot right next to a drunk version of this and on the opposite side of the stage from Nuno. Oh well, at least Pat Badger knows how to kick it on stage right. They opened with Decadence Dance and played four songs in all before getting all acoustic on us – the just-mentioned-in-this-sentence “Decadence Dance,” It (‘s a Monster),” “Star” (from the latest album), “Rest in Peace” and the technically astounding “Play With Me.” I’m convinced Nuno plays faster live than on record, but I have no desire to go about trying to prove this theory.
I’d hit that.
After physically exhausting everyone in the room, Extreme decided to lull us into a completely false sense of security by pulling out the acoustics and lowering the lights. With a pre-recorded backing track, Pat and new drummer Kevin ‘kFigg’ Figueiredo (Gary Cherone had to go figure out what his next sequence of poses and weird dances would be) Nuno laid down the fucking law with “Midnight Express.” What happened next puzzled, confused and downright pissed me off. They played “More Than Words.” of course. To be honest, Extreme not playing “More than Words” is like Dream Theater not playing “Pull Me Under.” Wait. That’s exactly what happened when I saw Dream Theater, and not only was I not upset that they skipped that dud, but I had a better time because of it.
But, just playing the song is not the part that upset me. What upset me was that the audience, like a collection of retarded automatons who actually didn’t listen to Extreme except for the year and a half they were prominently featured on MTV, pulled out their cameras and recoded videos of the completely and utterly unspectacular performance of the marginally-better-than-awful song. To me, that would be like lighting your friend’s face on fire and only recording your other friends reactions. What’s the point?
Would you rather have this:
Or this:
As a memory of your Extreme Experience?
The rest of the set was of course insanely awesome. The closer is embeded above – I wish they had played all of “He-man Woman Hater”, but I guess I’ll take a Michael Jackson cover instead.
Then Ratt took the stage. Remember a few years ago when they made a huge deal about Stephen Pearcy re-joining the band and kicking the more talented Jizzy Pearl to the curb? No? Well, they did that a few years back and man, let me tell you what a good decision that was… The ravaged old man came out onstage looking like a cross between a washed-up WWE wretsler and a piece of chewed up leather. To say he strutted around would be an over statement. He kinda just walked around semi-singing. Alright, he sounded way better than the first time I saw him at Rocklahoma a few years ago, but he was still a shell of his former self.
Warren DeMartini was hardly in better shape. He really looked like heroin-era Lou Reed. And he was wearing a full flack jacket in a 100+ degree club. He also faked his lip sync-ing. He would walk up to the mic and move his mouth like a puppet instead of forming words. Weird. Also, the playing just wasn’t that great. It seemed that the whole band adhered to the motto of “We’re not as good as Extreme so let’s just play louder and have a bigger lighting rig). Where’s Juan Croucier when you need him?
(Here’s where a video would be, but I couldn’t find one from this particular show, so it would be cheating if I posted something).
Long story short, I stayed for three songs and left. I didn’t want to ruin my Extreme show.
Hello all: In our efforts to provide an ever-better site for you, the crew here at SAR INC has decided to make another web-page revamp. However, this time the site change isn’t cosmetic, it’s content based. If you are a long time follower you probably remember our first content change. Initially the site was just metal music interviews, but in an effort to broaden our horizons we started writing about anything we wanted with no real continuity (aside from authorship) between posts.
Well, after punching the numbers, DJ suggested that we may have made too big of a jump. Apparently moving from very specific to infinitely undefined didn’t help us establish the regular foundation of readers we’ve been looking for.
It makes sense if you give it even a half-second of thought. When I do my rounds of the internet I make my stops in very categorized ways. E-mail, social networking site, indie-music blog, celebrity gossip news, fake-news, entertainment site….etc.
So how do you categorize SmartassRadio?
Well, it’s a frankenstein monster of things DJ and I find hilarious and/or noteworthy. Which would be fine, if DJ and I were an established brand of humor. But alas, outside of our group of friends, we are not.
So, in order to make the site more directed, legitimate and (hopefully) visited, we’ve decided to say that from now on: we’re a vegetable-porn music-based website.
It’s not a tremendous change really…I’d say we’re already 75% music-based, but from now on you won’t be seeing any more posts like, “What Angelina Jolie Would Be Thinking If She Drove By Me While I Was Running One Of My Intermittent Three Mile Runs”
(I mean let’s be honest, if Angelina Jolie drove by me while I was running one of my intermittent three mile runs she would probably just think, “Wow that guy looks terrific, I’d like to give him a massage” and then she’d just start thinking of something else.)
Of course, this doesn’t mean we’ll be abandoning humor (if that’s what you want to call this). We’re just saying, “HEY, all these posts are about music.” Connections. Full circle.
So, that’s the announcement as announced by me. Why am I announcing it? Why don’t I just make the change without informing the readers explicitly?
Well, that’s the SAR difference. We put ourselves on the same level as our delicious readers. Does Billboard make these kind of personal announcements? No, Billboard.com is written by a robot. Would Pitchfork be this gracious? No, they would just make fun of you for not realizing that they are just called Pitchfork now instead of Pitchfork Media. Would some snobby-blog be this up-front? No, they’d just post some shitty mp3s, provide some tour dates, give a lousy review of a lousy album and call it a day.
So, that’s it. You might be seeing some more reoccurring segments now (I’m planning one called “Rewinding with Roy”) and of course the podcast and interviews will be going strong!
As always dear reader, comment if you have any suggestions, because our real goal is to become a pleasant stop on your internet hit parade. And to continue rocking, but that has never been a problem.
