Hello all: In our efforts to provide an ever-better site for you, the crew here at SAR INC has decided to make another web-page revamp. However, this time the site change isn’t cosmetic, it’s content based. If you are a long time follower you probably remember our first content change. Initially the site was just metal music interviews, but in an effort to broaden our horizons we started writing about anything we wanted with no real continuity (aside from authorship) between posts.

Well, after punching the numbers, DJ suggested that we may have made too big of a jump. Apparently moving from very specific to infinitely undefined didn’t help us establish the regular foundation of readers we’ve been looking for.

It makes sense if you give it even a half-second of thought. When I do my rounds of the internet I make my stops in very categorized ways. E-mail, social networking site, indie-music blog, celebrity gossip news, fake-news, entertainment site….etc.

So how do you categorize SmartassRadio?

Well, it’s a frankenstein monster of things DJ and I find hilarious and/or noteworthy. Which would be fine, if DJ and I were an established brand of humor. But alas, outside of our group of friends, we are not.

So, in order to make the site more directed, legitimate and (hopefully) visited, we’ve decided to say that from now on: we’re a vegetable-porn music-based website.

It’s not a tremendous change really…I’d say we’re already 75% music-based, but from now on you won’t be seeing any more posts like, “What Angelina Jolie Would Be Thinking If She Drove By Me While I Was Running One Of My Intermittent Three Mile Runs”

(I mean let’s be honest, if Angelina Jolie drove by me while I was running one of my intermittent three mile runs she would probably just think, “Wow that guy looks terrific, I’d like to give him a massage” and then she’d just start thinking of something else.)

Of course, this doesn’t mean we’ll be abandoning humor (if that’s what you want to call this). We’re just saying, “HEY, all these posts are about music.” Connections. Full circle.

So, that’s the announcement as announced by me. Why am I announcing it? Why don’t I just make the change without informing the readers explicitly?

Well, that’s the SAR difference. We put ourselves on the same level as our delicious readers. Does Billboard make these kind of personal announcements? No, Billboard.com is written by a robot. Would Pitchfork be this gracious? No, they would just make fun of you for not realizing that they are just called Pitchfork now instead of Pitchfork Media. Would some snobby-blog be this up-front? No, they’d just post some shitty mp3s, provide some tour dates, give a lousy review of a lousy album and call it a day.

So, that’s it. You might be seeing some more reoccurring segments now (I’m planning one called “Rewinding with Roy”) and of course the podcast and interviews will be going strong!

As always dear reader, comment if you have any suggestions, because our real goal is to become a pleasant stop on your internet hit parade.  And to continue rocking, but that has never been a problem.

After a brief hiatus, we’re back and better than ever. Here’s a strong podcast from James and me. I interviewed Cherie Lily (see below), Tayisha Busay, Andrew Strasser and Bad Brilliance at Santos Party House. Then, we covered the news in about two minutes, you get to hear some music from Tomorrow’s Outlook and we wrap it up by talking about the worst lyrics ever. Feel free to add your own to the comments.

 

Click here for .mp3

Songs featured:

The Trooper Believer – DJ Schmolli
WTF (You Doin in My Mouth)? – Tayisha Busay
Quack Head – Bad Brilliance
Liquid Scream – Tomorrow’s Outlook

Here’s our dimly lit and awful sounding interview with the bright and beautiful sounding Cherie Lily:

This week’s podcast marks a definite change in direction. After 50 rambling messes, we (I) decided to take the reigns and practice some preproduction for realsies. Of course the day between recording and posting, Michael Jackson died. Hopefully, everyone will be very very tired of hearing about him, as unbelievable as his death truly is, because there is no coverage here. We do talk about Ed McMahon at length – let’s face it, Michael Jackson and maybe even Farrah Fawcet are really raining on his funeral procession. We also invented a game called “Carcass or Surgery” where I had to guess whether or not James added a term from a sex-change operation to a Carcass lyric.

We also decided to feature some new music this week from bands LAF and Zero System. Don’t let James’ fucking their names up in the intro fool you, we do really like these bands. If you want your music featured on the show, just send some mp3′s in an email to SmartassRadio@gmail.com.

Here’s the show:

 

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Here is the clip of Ed McMahon drunk:

Hey all,

This week we had a packed house as Patty, Roy, James and I gingerly sipped alcohol in a dingy basement. This week’s topics included the supposed Rihanna sex tape which stars an actress who looks nothing like Rihanna, a week old puppy getting flushed down the toilet, Patty’s impending death on her way to Oregon and some other shit too…

 

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Oh and we watched this video:

Charlottesville, VA: In a ground breaking court case, Virginian resident Todd Sampson took 36 individuals to court under the charge of “making him feel bad.” What’s more surprising: he won.

The story began two years ago when Sampson, 47, took the Subway sandwich company to court for “making him feel fat.” Sampson, an avid television viewer, felt that recent Subway advertisements “glorified healthy lifestyles” and made less fit individual feel “lesser.” The case was widely publicized, but the verdict was returned in favor of the corporation. Sampson had lost the battle, but not the war.

In early February of this year, Sampson set his sights even higher, taking on many of his closest friends, family and neighbors in one massive law suit.

Sampson was born and raised in a small suburban Virginian town where he works as a substitute teacher. He is the father of two girls and a boy, but is now divorced from his first and only wife, Jean Nibbons, 43. Mrs. Nibbons and the three children have each had charges brought against them during the proceedings.

The frustrations for Sampson began in the summer of 2008, when his mother encouraged him to attend church services to help with feelings of depression which developed following his recent divorce. After attending several Sunday services, Sampson was not impressed. He claimed the sermons were often “too moral” and “made me feel like I wasn’t doing the best I could.”

Sampson’s neighbor, Bob Yunak, had a different story, “Todd is a lazy fat ass. He doesn’t do much at all. He drives a shitty car and he let’s his dog shit on my lawn. Also he’s got a kiddie pool in his backyard, and I think it’s got mosquitos.”

Whether the rainwater collected in the pool has indeed breed mosquitos is yet to be affirmed.

Sampson’s became more fed-up as time went on and conflicts began to arise with many other town members. Accusations included: a $4000 charge against his son for “not really ever looking up to me much,” a $10,000 charge against his old friend Andy “for beating me in bowling and that made me feel like shit” and a joint suit against 22 women in the tri-state area for “not being interesting in what I had to offer.”

Sampson even went as far back as his fourth grade teacher, who once gave him a C- and “made him feel bad.”

After the verdict was reached this passed Tuesday in favor of Sampson, many were outraged and an appeal is almost certain. One town person, who wished to remain nameless for fear of being sued, said, “Todd doesn’t deserve any money from anybody. He’s worthless. I’ve seen him smoke cigarettes he picked out of the dirt. He’s an awful, awful person and I think he’s racist.”

Incidentally Sampson did sue Marques Esposito, a Social studies teacher at the local High School, for “making him feel racist.”

Sampson’s father lost $140,000 to his son after being charged with “never taking me fishing or anything, which sucks”

Still some people stand behind Sampson, in particular his mother who, it is estimated, will lose a quarter million dollars in the case. Though upset with her son’s actions she claims that “had [she] known that the advice [she] was giving [Sampson] on the phone was hurting his feelings, [she] never would have said it.” She added that she regrets encouraging her son to meet new people, mow his lawn and maybe take some time off to travel.

Still many feel that had Sampson taken the initiative to meet new people, mow his lawn and travel he “may not have been such a dick” and “rereading the Harry Potter books again and again isn’t going to help anything and he should know that.”

The case is sure to be a watermark in the American judicial system. Already there have been reports of similar instances cropping up in courtrooms across the country.

Nevada couple Nikki and Samuel Dwarf have recently filed a case against Caesar’s Palace casinos for “lowering the morale of their livelihoods, hampering their financial ability to raise a traditional family and ultimately making them feel bad” after losing several hundred dollars gambling on their honeymoon.

Ty Sandler, a college student at Rhode Island’s School of Design, has gone to court against the Anehuser-Busch Brewing Company whose products, he claims, have only helped to exacerbate his “bad feelings on multiple occasions.”

In total Sampson will be coming away with $1.2 million in compensation. When asked about his feelings post-trial, Sampson claimed that he was “actually feeling a little better.”

This has been a SmartassRadio news report.

And with the new site, James has finally made his triumphant return! We had a really good time recording this on Wednesday. We covered all the big news and some personal stuff as well. We talked about this asshat, these kinky motherfuckers:

and James’ first bachelor party experience among other things.

Look out for weekly podcasts to be posted every Friday from now until I get a real radio gig and outgrow posting shows on my own website. Now, here ya go:

 

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Hello dear readers,

I’m so sorry I have been gone so long. I just checked the stats and I have not updated since April 22nd, exactly one month ago. Why have I not updated in such a very long time? Well, there are several reasons, one of which is true: 1) I have been busy helping DJ design our new site layout, which should be released within the coming weeks 2) I have not had an internet connection or a working computer for several weeks and 3) It was the end of the semester and blogging will not take priority over school until DJ can start paying me.
But just because I haven’t been blogging doesn’t mean I haven’t thought about blogging. I have! Quite a bit actually. Look no further than my hilarious twitter account for proof of the wacky ideas I’ve been thinking. I’m such a loopy lad!

Well, on May 11th at precisely 7:50PM I let @SmartassRadio know that I would be writing a blog about Electabuzz and when I make a promise I keep it. So, after much ado, here is a blog entry that could possibly interest a very bored twelve year old a decade ago:

Hello, my name is Electabuzz and I’m an alcoholic.

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