We just got Verizon Vios/Fios/Whatever the hell it is. And god DAMN there are a lot of channels. Of course, none of the extra channels actually provide anyone with any extra entertainment, unless you look at the channel listings. Here are a few choice selections from some of the new channels we get. We decided not to include any of the new, highly specialized porn channels because, frankly, we don’t want to sully our pristine reputation with garbage like that. So here you go, the 8 Most Boring Reality Shows Ever (on TV this week):

Shockingly, this did not make the list.

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In today’s economy, I find it hard to believe that a TV channel like Food Network is able to keep all of its current programming and exist as a channel (although if there are even a thousand bored college students like me, they should have no trouble through January). Once January’s over, though, they’ll have to trim some fat (shoot me on-sight if you see me). Hopefully that fat will land itself in a place where it can grow into something immoral and mostly devoid of cooking advice. A tacky porn site. These are my ideas for the big switch:

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Roy and I moved into a new apartment on New Year’s Eve and the previous tenants left an entire month’s worth of coupons, bills and magazines in our mailbox. Among the magazines were two copies of Vibe, two copies of Entrepreneur and four copies OK! Weekly, the lesser and perhaps even more obnoxious version of Us Weekly. As I made my way through these three magazines, I caught myself thoroughly enjoying Entrepreneur, feigning interest in Vibe, and throwing a bigger and bigger fit with each new page of OK! So, I decided to write a letter to the editor pointing out just a few of the most glaring flaws in the publication they so brazenly put their name on. What follows is actually what I emailed susan@okmagazine.com (the editor in chief).

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As everyone should know, Charles Barkley was arrested for DUI on New Year’s Eve while on his way to an “amorous encounter” (woah! that sounds hot and heavy!). What information what not made readily available (at least not to this member of the celeb-driven blogosphere) was the fact that Sir Charles was leaving a party where he was joined by Michael Strahan and Jaleel White. It should come as no surprise that Jaleel finds himself in the spotlight after years of dormancy, I had, in fact, made a passing reference to Steve Urkel in my last scientific report. With all due respect, Mr. Colbert, you haven’t the slightest clue as to what it means to give people a cultural “bump”. But I digress, what follows is a word for word account of the conversation Jaleel White had with Charles “Not Gnarls” Barkley.

Clearly, this guy knows a thing or two about being responsible while you party.

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No one has mastered the art of partying like Andrew W.K. For those who are unaware, he’s just released a compilation of his monthly advice column in Japan, has been featured in the January ’09 Esquire and is basically my new messiah. For those who haven’t had the pleasure, an Andrew W.K. party is truly a religious experience. Click here for tour dates.

What follows is our chat before the show, a photo gallery of winnebago/live shots and a full transcription of the interview (yeah, we’re starting to actually do some work around here). Enjoy!

Click here for .mp3

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If the picture browser is taking too long and you’re dying to see the rest click here for a raw gallery.

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The transcription is after the jump!

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Ok I’m sure everyone and their senile grandmother knows about this story: Jdimytai Damour, a temp employee of Wal-Mart was trampled to death on black friday by an angry mob of Long Island douchebags. That is old news. However, this story brings to light some more facts I was peviously unaware of.

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Recently, Pamela Anderson adopted a child, but not just any child. You guessed it folks, she stole one from Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie! Some people are speculating that Pamela Anderson did, in fact, sneak into the Jolie-Pitt villa late last night accompanied by no-other than tv funny man, Steve Carrell. Steve had just come from a rendezvous with now single night-club vixen, Paris Hilton. The two (Steve and Paris) had met up at the opening of Arnold Schwarzenegger‘s newest Planet Hollywood in Des Moines. The opening was also attended by other A-listers, most notably: the boys from Orange County Choppers, Brandon Flowers, Kim Kardashian and president-elect Barack Obama.

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