There is a ton of evidence stacking up against me and it’s high time I acknowledge it. I’m becoming a piece of white trash human garbage. In the four years since I’ve left High School, I have absolutely let the semi-freedom of college destroy me as a person. While, I’m very comfortable with the latest incarnation of me, I think it’s important to look back at where I came from.

Here’s the earliest picture of me on Facebook:

Look at this sweet boy with his girlfriend enjoying a delicious lollipop after a day at the mall. Oh, look he has a Metallica cap on. You bought it where? Hot Topic? Precious.

I dare you to follow the jump and keep reading.

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This article from the Telegraph (quite possibly my favorite news source) is a heartwarming tale of a widow finally finding out what was in her husband’s mysterious trunk. It had always been locked and he never showed her what was inside. When she opened it, what would she find? Gold Deblumes? The body of his first wife? Something sexually explicit which when written the context of a blog post seems really immature after you finish laughing at it? No, she found a box full of his favorite toys which he kept since the 20s. The fucking 20s. I wonder what people will find out about me when I’m maggot food? …Besides the unspeakable atrocities which are the contents of my three current hard drives.

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