So the Dark Knight finally hits stores on DVD! While it might not be the DVD you want right now, it’s definitely the purchase you deserve. Everyone is ecstatic about this release. Even Walt Disney, and he’s frozen! The only person who isn’t excited about this epic release is Bruce Wayne himself. Why is Bruce so miserable? If he can trust Alfred, why doesn’t he have a group of friends, too? This dude consistently acts like the Counting Crows’ Adam Duritz mourning the death of a goldfish. As always, you can count on SmartassRadio.com to provide you with the answers you need through research and study. Look at what we found – Bruce Wayne’s Facebook! No surprises here folks. Check it out…

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Many reputable anthropologists will tell you that many reputable animals were first fish. I’m not going to get into the specifics of the whole thing, frankly I don’t understand it. Suffice it to say that everyone from Rasputin to Walt Disney has evolved from an ancient tadpole in some Triassic shit-pool. Imagining this ancestral progression can lead to a truly cosmic meditation, but I’m not interested in that. What I’m worried about is when evolution goes bad. Sure, humans are on top now, but you don’t need to be a reputable anthropologist to see that our chapter is coming to a close. Which leads me to this terrible possibility: walkin’ crocs.

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