I recently downloaded season two of 30 Rock and was treated to the hilarious episode titled “Greenzo.” Man, that Alec Baldwin/Tina Fey combination is something else. They legitimately make me laugh out loud. The guest star in this episode, however, makes me want to give myself a spinal tap. Similarly, I downloaded the first two episodes of the current season of Scrubs. Again, the cast is generally pretty brilliant and again, the guest star gives me chills from being so unfunny. These two guest “stars” have one thing in common (besides the ability to make me wretch in front of my TV). They were both main characters on the disturbingly popular Friends.
There was a brief time in my life (about three weeks ago at a friend’s house) where I thought maybe Friends wasn’t as bad as my own judgment has led me to believe. The exercise not only reinforced my spot on idea of how awful the show was, but it also gave me a base for my class called “Contemplative Thought.” “Contemplative Thought” is a one credit practicum on sitting meditation. Essentially, you’re asked to turn your brain off for a few minutes a week, which I feel I was already good at (see this). But no, Friends took me to new, worse-than-blackout drunk levels. From here on out, I refuse to dignify these talentless asshats with real names; instead I will refer to them only by their characters’ dopey names.
The amazing thing about the cast of Friends is they all play the same character. And then all bring that character (I like to refer to him as “White Out-of-touch Douchebag”) outside the show to movies and other perfectly good shows. Ross makes for a good starting point. Ross was the epitome of the whiny asshole you never want to hang out with – kinda like your buddy’s little brother. And believe you me when I say before Ross, there was not a single paleontologist I didn’t want to hang out with. And how can you make an over the top environmental spokesman unfunny, Greenzo?
Monica – the bitch. Oooooh. It boggles my mind when I think that she somehow wowed whoever cast the video for “Dancing in the Dark.” The only thing more atrocious than her dancing is her acting. There hasn’t been a character (beside Carla) on Scrubs who makes me laugh less (read: doesn’t make me laugh at all) than Monica’s current Chief of Medicine character. Also Dirt blew asshole.
The actor I’m about to mention is possibly the one with the most current work and yet I believe her to be the absolute worst actor of the bunch. Rachel is the sole reason I can’t watch Office Space anymore. I love the movie, but she actually sucks so much of the fun out of it, I find it actually impossible to sit through anymore. Look no further than her delivery of the line “I love Kung-Fu” (and the Oscar nominated scene below this paragraph). Also, she’s so boring to look at she makes my dick fall asleep.
Chandler is perhaps the most over-the-top example of someone playing the same character as everyone else and then doing it everywhere. Chandler makes awful quips delivered like your uncle who’s been in a coma for a decade. The only person who even gives him a run for his money in this category is Phoebe. Watch this (or any) webisode of “Web Therapy” for all the evidence you need. “Smelly Cat” actually doesn’t make me want to do any physical harm to myself because just hearing it is harmful enough.
This is where I need to end this post because I’m running the risk of having an aneurysm. So I’ll leave you with one final thought: