The Internet: What?
The Internet is a many splendored thing. If I were to try to hunt down a video of a woman doin’ it in an ET costume (link NSFW and probably not safe for 99% of the population – you’ve been warned), it would take literally hours in the real world. If I wanted to know the complete history of hampsterdance.com I would probably have to track down the original owners/operators of the site. If, say, I wanted to hear the ramblings of two boring, under-produced and over-hyped metal nerds, I would actually have to sit around at my nearest Gibson dealer – a fate worse than castration. And, of course if I wanted to see Val Kilmer in 2008, I would have had to actually find him way back then. Luckily for me, none of those scenarios ever has to happen thanks to the Internet.
I don’t know how our readership feels about all the self reflexivity here, but fuck it, this post, like many before it, is about the site it’s on. I check our statistics about once a week. I get to see how many people are looking at the site, how many posts they look at, who referred them, where they’re from, what kind of browser and operating system they use – all the standard stuff which ultimately helps me tailor the site to them. One of the many stats I get is the latest search terms which brough people to our site. One would imagine things like “sebastian bach interview,” “constant references to rambo, drew carey and axl rose,” “i hate papa roach” would top the list. You’d be dead wrong. Things like:
and
haunt me with shocking regularity. Our previous number one search term? Mondrian. The weird painter.
Before this post, the words “Val Kilmer” only appeared three times on our site. That, to me, means that everyone cares so little about poor ole Iceman that a site which makes passing reference to the guy only thrice will get most of the Val-related traffic.* This is all fine and dandy, but I want our site to be recognized not only for optimizing it’s pictures, but for our biting wit and humor (and straight up meanness from time to time), which is why I get a little tingle whenever I see something like “CAST OF FRIENDS REAL NAMES” screamed or “letter to the editor in OK Magazine” politely typed into Google:
Tomorrow we’re going to have a massive party celebrating the removal of our heads from our asses. You will get FOUR shows – two SmartassRadio Podcasts and two from a new show with me called The In-Crowd. Plus, you’ll be able to read the first post from our new Senior Sports Analyst, Keith Klang.
*For the record, all the Val Kilmer searches came from google images – we’re not even in the top ten pages on the regular search.
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03/07/2009
OHMGOD EW IM SO UPSET.
WTF DJ
ET?!!!??!!??????