Recently, Pamela Anderson adopted a child, but not just any child. You guessed it folks, she stole one from Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie! Some people are speculating that Pamela Anderson did, in fact, sneak into the Jolie-Pitt villa late last night accompanied by no-other than tv funny man, Steve Carrell. Steve had just come from a rendezvous with now single night-club vixen, Paris Hilton. The two (Steve and Paris) had met up at the opening of Arnold Schwarzenegger‘s newest Planet Hollywood in Des Moines. The opening was also attended by other A-listers, most notably: the boys from Orange County Choppers, Brandon Flowers, Kim Kardashian and president-elect Barack Obama.
After an embarrassing lip-syncing debacle by Hilton, Steve called it quits. An audio clip can be found here. He caught a sneak preview of the new movie Twilight and then met up with Pamela Anderson at her Des Moines residence. Carrell, who sources say had earlier smoked crystal meth, had no prior relationship with Ms. Anderson; however, he insisted that they spend the night together, thinking she was basketball all-star LeBron James. Anderson, apparently fired up by Carrell’s wild mood, decided it was the perfect night to steal a baby. And she did just that.
Of course Pitt and Jolie live in Denver, so there was quite a trip that needed to be made. Luckily, George Clooney was available because his sexual escapades with Michael Moore had finished up sooner than expected. Anderson, Carrell and Clooney boarded Clooney’s private jet, piloted by Alec Baldwin, and headed to Denver with full intent on stealing a baby.
When the plane landed, at roughly 11:45pm, Jay Leno was there to meet the threesome. And then they did just that: had a threesome right on the tarmac. Carrell, Clooney and Leno. Anderson played the role of photographer. The video can be found, here. During the sprawling orgy Leno was run over by a Boeing 747. Clooney also left the party, presumably to also attend a premiere of Twilight.
Things were looking good until wild-man Tony Romo came on the scene. Raging on a massive crack-cocaine binge and upset about his recent break-up with Jessica Simpson, he was wreaking havoc on downtown Denver with a crude slingshot made from a jockstrap and the jawbone of a tiger shark. Anderson and Carrell came upon Romo outside The Denver Broncos practice field. Romo was shouting “God is Dead! God is Dead!” and had begun haphazardly spray-painting his body dark orange. Seeing that Carrell was now on the scene, Romo began shouting racial slurs and he ripped off Anderson’s pants. Video footage of which can be found here.
Romo was eventually arrested by the LAPD, who had come to Denver for a police conference. Kermit the Frog was then arrested for DWI. A new planet was discovered, called Urouteum. Sarah Palin has a lower back tattoo that reads, “Boba Fett Kicks Ass”. Captain Falcon is getting the band back together, Paul McCartney confirms. Scientists believe that, quote, “We may have been wrong about that whole germs thing”. Dale Earnhardt‘s body was found in a large vase in Adam Sandler‘s New York apartment. The new Star Trek movie.
The baby burglary was surprisingly easy to pull off because none of this ever happened, of course. Pictures of which can be found here.