I’m writing this on Monday night about an hour before the New York Giants play the Minnesota Vikings in Detroit. This wacky set of circumstances comes as a direct result of this:
Anyway, even more significant than an entire sports stadium collapsing under the weight of what appears to be either cocaine or sudsy bubbles is the fact that Brett Favre won’t be starting. For those of you who a) don’t like to spend 10 hours every Sunday screaming at their TV, b) don’t know the names of the sports they watch, or c) sat out every 2nd week of high school gym because of “menstrual cramps,” Brett Favre has started every single regular season game since 1992. Follow me after the jump for a list of significant events that have happened since Brett started tossing an asymmetrical leather ball to really fast black guys on a professional level.
1992 – Sinéad O’Connor rips up a photo of some old man on Saturday Night Live. The significance of this event is lost on me, but it puts the beginning of his career into context: Sinead O’Connor was on SNL. Since then, there have been 393 episodes and 62 different cast members.
1994 – PlayStation is released. Really think about that. Brett Favre has been playing in the NFL since two years before the first PlayStation was release, which was still two full years before the pinnacle of gaming technology was released.
1995 – The Internet reaches 100,000 sites. According to the second link I clicked on the subject, at the end of 2009, there were 234,000,000 sites. That shit is mind boggling.
1999 – Backstreet Boys release Millennium. Can you believe this sold 40 MILLION copies? Also, this seems like forever ago.
2001 – iPod is released. Brett has officially transitioned from the past to the future in a Packers uniform and Wrangler jeans. Also, terrorists knocked down two tall buildings in New York (That was nine years ago? Shit. Feels like 10.)
2005 – The first successful face transplant. Are we sure this has been Brett Favre the whole time?
2008 – The first President who is only HALF white is elected. Over the course of Brett Favre’s career, we as a nation have evolved from a coherent group of intolerant, half retarded rednecks to a collection of screaming monkeys who can’t decide if they believe claims made by “scientists,” think sick people should get medicine, or know who should be king.
2010 – Brett Favre sends dick pics to a smoking hot reporter then plays a game where he goes 0-1 with an interception. Way to go out on top, asshole.