We Swear This is the Last Chris Brown/Rihanna Post for At Least 2-3 Days
As many of you have probably already heard, Chris Brown has given a whole new meaning to Rihanna’s hit single “S.O.S.” Unfortunately, no one at the scene allowed Rihanna to stand under their umbrella while Brown inflicted a thunderstorm of a beating. Allow me to be clear. I, the Chachanooga, am crestfallen that someone has hindered production of whatever new song will rule my every brainwave for the next 9-12 months. In fact, the track “Please Don’t Stop the Music” was based off a piece of fan-mail composed by mois. However in terms of career moves, Chris Brown has hit the nail on the head. Here are five reasons why Brown’s refusal to “Shut Up and Drive” was the best idea ever:
2009: The year of the Douche (it’s a Ne-Yo joke, get it?)
- The Grammy Awards are overrated. Do I feel bad that Chris Brown missed out on Chris Martin thanking himself while Alison Krauss waved Robert Plant’s balls around in a Ziploc bag? I’m ripe with jealousy.
- Before this incident, Chris Brown stood overshadowed by the likes of Ne-Yo, John Legend, and a sea of a thousand other R&B clones. Let’s say a catchy soul ballad should play on the radio while you are reading this. Perhaps you won’t ask “is this that metro/homo/metro ordinary people piano guy” but rather, “is this that dude that bit Rihanna?”
- Upon seeing Rihanna at the Grammy Awards, the song “Umbrella” would have been stuck in my head until Smash Mouth released another catchy piece of dog shit in May.
- Chris Brown has now successfully built street cred. A week ago he was Usher’s brother. Now he shares the fast and furious stage of the Ike Turners and Suge Knights of the world. I’m sure his St. Lunatics jersey is already in the mail.
- Rihanna’s failure to appear at the Grammy Awards makes for one less obstacle between me and Joe Jonas.
