What Really Happened: Pearl Harbor
[Another genius concept from the Smartass Radio crew. A lot of people don’t realize that our newest contributor, Chachi Ramirez is not only proficient in Spanish and avoiding getting shot on the mean streets of Philly, but he’s also a history buff. In this new recurring series, he’ll let us in on some of history's biggest secrets and shed light on little known facts about a few of the biggest events ever to take place. This week, we get quick peek into the motivation behind the attack on Pearl Harbor. - DJ]
The Prime Minister of Japan
(Knock on Prime Minister’s Door)
Prime Minister of Japan: Come in
Nintendo: Mr. Prime Minister, we have a dilemma.
PMOJ: Hey how would you feel if Sony started a line of fruits? Like Sony bananas.
Nintendo: Sounds terrible. Now listen…
PMOJ: What about a Sony shampoo? Maybe it could have a fruit on the bottle. And a picture of a VCR! You are a genius! Did I ever tell you about my sumo wrestling days in college?
Nintendo: I don’t think so. But about your shampoo idea: awful, awful idea. Consumers associate Sony with technology, not body products. Now if you will just…
PMOJ: Oh! Technology! Like Sony acorns! Yes! Brilliant!
Nintendo: Sir, with all due respect, the idea of Sony manufacturing acorns could only be concocted by the autistic. You see, acorns…
PMOJ: It was the championship bout and my old man was there. He had made a living at pushing’ lard, that’s what they called it in his day. Anyway, the guy I was wrestling was about as tall as a Charmander and as wide as Yoko Ono. He was a big fella, and I knew this wasn’t gonna be a stroll through the sushi bar…
Nintendo: Sir, the workers of Polaroid are on strike! CEO Carey Okee will not raise their salaries!
PMOJ: WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU JUST SAY!
Nintendo: My family and I are supposed to go to Washington D.C. next month on vacation. I just have to have a picture at the Lincoln memorial. I need one. There must be something you can do.
PMOJ: A great wave of trouble has swept over our land. Teach a man to eat, and he will learn how to fish. Give a man a school, and he will learn for a day. I’ll try and figure something out.
Nintendo: I’m pretty sure that’s not how the proverb goes. However, all of the striking workers are singing that Twisted Sister song about not taking it, and their bad singing is hilarious. I almost do not wish for them to go back to work so I can keep laughing at them.
PMOJ: What are the sisters not taking?
Nintendo: I’m not exactly sure. I just know that they have been taking it in the past. It really doesn’t matter. It’s just funny to listen to shitty singing.
PMOJ: OF COURSE! (dramatic removal of glasses). What if Sony created a way for sub par singers to sing along to famous songs, so others could laugh at them? We could name the invention after the man who inspired it, Carey Okee.
Nintendo: I saw an American do that on television once. I think his name was Jimmy Buffet. He’s this man with a parrot who dress like fag.
PMOJ: NO! This invention will put Japan back on the cultural map. We will no longer be defined through automobiles and tourism! Where was this Buffet? I will have no more Buffet! I will destroy the Buffet!
Nintendo: Well on television, he was just hangin’ out on the coast of Hawaii.
PMOJ: Then I will destroy the Hawaiian coast. Carey Okee will overtake the world!
